Change Your Focus, Change Your Life
What you feed, grows. What you focus on becomes your reality. If you want to change your reality, you must first change your focus.
What you focus on affects your life, your relationships, your environment, and the world. Sound dramatic? I’ll explain why it’s not. I’ll also offer different ways of evaluating how you’re spending your most valuable currency (your focus), and suggest various ways to upgrade this. Some of these may surprise you.
The considerations are complex, but the solutions are simple. Come join me.
Find me on Facebook and Instagram @the_nativist
The Power of Sensitivity
Do you feel emotions intensely? Struggle thinking/speaking on the spot? Feel affected by loud sounds/smells/etc? Maybe you know someone who does/is.
I am on a crusade. My cause? To rebrand sensitivity. I aim to spotlight how being sensitive benefits ourselves, others, and the whole wide world. Let's make "You're so sensitive" a compliment, not an insult.
In this episode, I explain what it means to be a highly-sensitive person, and how that’s reflected in our physiology. I reference fascinating studies showing it’s not just nature vs. nature: we were born this way, baby! I share a short quiz to guide you in assessing if you/people you know could qualify as highly sensitive.
I offer new ways of viewing highly-sensitive people, some [all?] of which may be a relief to you, if you’re sensitive.
Love you. Mean it.
Book referenced: Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking by Susan Cain (HIGHLY RECOMMEND everyone read this - not just if you’re sensitive)
Connect with me on Facebook and Instagram @the_nativist
What Does Self Criticism Do for Us?
Do we need self criticism? Does it help us more than harm us? Is it essential to high performance, achievement, and fulfillment? What if we stopped? Would we become complacent? Come with me as we address these questions, and I ask you some more questions that may (will likely, hopefully!) stop you in your tracks and prompt you to think about things (particularly yourself) differently than you ever have before.
Thanks for coming along.
Find me on Facebook and Instagram: @the_nativist
Finding Your Fit[Ness]: Prioritizing Health, Fun, and Body Acceptance
From the minute I met her, I loved Maren Watkins - and I’m confident you will too. You know those people who turbo charge your batteries just by proximity? She is one of those. Her titles (mother, group fitness instructor, UpBeat Barre co-founder, former college professor, meme master, fun crusader) inadequately capture her full awesomeness.
In this episode, we distinguish between body positivity and positive body image and highlight the risk of appearance-based compliments. We offer an alternative to body love, and suggest how to not hate your workout. Maren also shares her brilliant technique for framing body image with her kids. And of course, she humbly tells us what it’s like being a co-founder of a global workout sensation: UpBeat Barre (and why it’s so good for you).
We keep it fun, but we also keep it real. Because balance.
Follow Maren on Instagram @marenwfitness (worth it just for her meme commentary)
Find UpBeat Barre on their site: www.upbeatbarre.com or on Instagram @upbeat.barre
Making time, money, and people count
Want to work smarter not harder? Want to cultivate the life you want? This is your episode. I present to you two shining examples: Jess and Brandon Desfosses. Realtors, DIYers, property investors, house flippers, adoptive parents, birth parents, restaurant owners, social media content creators, community networkers, spouses…their titles are many. How do they manage it all? Listen as we chat about time management, motivation, ambition, productivity, work/life balance, organization, marketing, scarcity mindset, money management, and what they (and I!) think is the key to it all. Laughs, value, and inspiration: check, check, and check. And let’s just say their reach is about to get a lot wider (very pumped for them).
Follow them on Facebook and Instagram @idahomerealestate and/or contact Brandon directly: 208-241-6205.
My Eating Disorder Journey
Here it is, another deeply personal episode that’s been a long time coming. Today’s topic is my journey with severe eating disorders. I share which eating disorders (yep, multiple) I experienced and what factors triggered them. I talk about my recovery process (including outpatient treatment in Utah), and where I am with it all currently. I highlight what has helped me, to hopefully help and illuminate an issue affecting so many of us, directly/indirectly. Thank you for listening.
Connect with me on Facebook and Instagram: @the_nativist
I’ve copied and pasted my previous blog post on this (to save you some clicks!):
Body. This area is near and dear to my heart. It's been my passion and focus for more years than I care to count. The truth is...
My body and I haven't always been on the same team, for which I take full responsibility. Blinded by lofty aesthetic and fitness ideals, I tried to force my body into what it wasn't. Superhuman stamina or bust. Six pack or bust. Each day I demanded improvement. It was unacceptable to me to do less than the day before. Rest days were laughable. Just one more rep than the day before. Then one more. Then one more...
With a pace and mentality like that - without the chance to recover - it doesn't take long for your body to B U R N out. And I kept up that pace for a disgustingly long time. I still marvel at how my body kept up with me as long as it did. At the height of it, I was working out over 5 hours A DAY. And we're not talking light jogs - we're talking going A L L O U T. For example, here was a day in the life:
5:00 am: Wake up and do an Insanity video. Add additional cardio before and after the video started jusssst to make sure I was getting all I could from the workout. After the video ended, repeat a few of the parts I feel I didn't do as well.
7:00 am - Park my car as far from where I was going as possible, so I could squeeze in some extra walking miles to and from classes at ISU.
11:00 am: Kickboxing/aerobics class
3:30/4:00 pm: Arrive to Gold's Gym early, so I could knock out some extra cardio
4:30 pm: Pilates
5:30 pm: Hip Hop Aerobics
6:30 pm: Body Pump [weight-lifting class]
7:30 pm: Zumba
*In between all of this, I was working and going to school full-time, demanding excellence of myself in those areas as well
By nature, I have an all-or-nothing personality (something I've really had to work to overcome). My days were for working/working out, and my nights were for winding down and eating. In my mind, eating was part of relaxing and releasing - not something I did throughout the day to, ya know, FUEL MY BODY. (facepalm) For so long, I denied my body's screams for adequate rest. For solid nutrition. For self love.
As you can imagine, my body wasn't too stoked about my regimen, and I wasn't too stoked about my body's refusal to obey. I felt more and more sluggish. Each step was a chore. I wanted to cry, thinking about drumming up the energy to get through each day, yet each time it came to work out, my OCDness kicked into gear and I'd force myself to do just as much or more than the day before. I was terrified of losing the "progress" for which I'd battled (little did I know, my lack of rest was actually hindering progress). Again, in my mind it was all or nothing: if I didn't do as much as I'd done the day before, then all was lost. Ironically, people at the gym nicknamed me "Energizer Bunny" - little did they know how untrue that was. Rather than energy, it was sheer stupid determination powering me.
As you can see, that drive for "greatness" is a slippery slope. It's always been my biggest strength and biggest weakness.
Eventually, my body waved the white flag. It just.couldn't.sustain.that pace. It had run on fumes for far too long, and it had had enough. I'd magically produce the energy for hard workouts, but could barely put one foot in front of the other otherwise. My sleep suffered. My concentration suffered. I had unshakeable brain fog. My adrenals were shot and my metabolism was wrecked. Add into the mix pre-existing thyroid and sleep issues, and you have a recipe for total disaster.
While I hold myself fully accountable for the hell I put my body through, I'll be honest: positive feedback from people partly fueled my fire. Even if I didn't initially set out to drop weight, I soon started hearing from people how "fantastic" I looked. How inspirational I was. To "keep up whatever" i was doing "because it's working." The compliments were intoxicating. Naturally, I thought, "What the hell did I look like before? Clearly this is a necessary improvement - I need to keep this up!" To be fair - the complimenters were good-intentioned and had no idea of the true story, but... I will be FOREVER grateful for the very few people who had the courage and compassion to see through the exterior and tell me I looked too thin and worn out. To me - it felt like they were eliminating the pressure to keep it up. They were giving me permission to put down the gloves and quit the fight. That's why to this day, I am always careful about complimenting a person's weight loss - especially if I'm unsure of their motivations/methods. I never ever want to add fuel to their fire. If I do comment, I try to emphasize their fitness - rather than aesthetic - gains.
Why did I just dump on you like this? Not because I wanted to blab about myself. Not because I wanted to elicit sympathy/pity/awe/etc. My SOLE REASON for bringing you in on this is to prove recovery is possible. TRULY. And to help along your journey of self-acceptance and healing. I would love nothing more.
I'll tell you a secret: I always thought people who said they recovered from body issues were, well...FRIGGIN' FULL OF IT. I thought, "They're just selling a line" or "Yeah, they must not have felt as intensely about it as I did." I never ever ever ever ever ever (times 1,000) thought I would ever be able to achieve balance and have a healthy relationship with my body and fitness. I was convinced I was doomed to a life of hating and resisting my body.
Well, guess what?!!
IT REALLY AND TRULY IS POSSIBLE. It definitely is not instant. It takes time, effort, persistence, and DESIRE. It takes internal and external support. It takes commitment to being on the same team as your body. And honestly - that's when the magic happens, when you recognize the phenomenon that is the human body, and all it does for you. Once I stopped resisting, things fell into place. Once I truced with my body and allowed it to do its thing, it delivered tenfold. The key is listening to your body. I eat more and work out less, all while looking and feeling better than ever. And there have actually even been times in the past where my body naturally dropped significant weight easily and effortlessly without killing myself. The body has its own reasons for doing what it does - so your best bet is to befriend it. Trust me.
My one and only focus now is feeling good - now and long term. That one objective drives all of my decisions: what I do with my body, and what I put into it. It's just a bonus that I look in the mirror and like what I see, but that's no longer my motivator. There is an undeniable power in getting on the same team as your body. Your body is an intelligent and powerful force. It already knows what it needs, in regards to diet, exercise, rest... All you have to do is tap into that intuition and sync up with it. That's it. Your body naturally does the heavy lifting (literally and figuratively). Get out of your head - especially if it's filled with impossible ideals of how you "should" look - and make friends with that bod of yours. Through this blog, I will share tips and tricks I've found useful on my path to healing. And if you're one of those lucky souls who's never personally faced such issues - as long as you have a body, this blog section is for you! I will share tips in general for looking and FEELING your best. LET'S DO DIS.
xx,
-w-
Losing Faith: Leaving the Mormon Church
It’s here. Finally.
I share my story on joining - then leaving - the Latter-Day-Saint (Mormon) Church, and how I feel about it now. I offer questions to consider, no matter your personal beliefs.
I hope you listen - and live - with open eyes, open hearts, and open minds.
I love you.
The Brené Brown podcast episode I reference is from April 20 and April 27 (it’s a two-parter): Brené Brown with Father Richard Rohr on Spirituality, Certitude, and Infinite Love, Part 1 and 2
Connect with me on Facebook and Instagram: @the_nativist
How to Avoid Letting Expectations Ruin Your Day/Life
Part of being a functional, happy, successful, ALIVE human is analyzing, anticipating, and, planning. Part of being a miserable, sad, resentful human is having unmet expectations. So…how do we encourage the former, not the latter? What’s the key ingredient?
Expectations (did you expect me to say that?).
In this episode, I talk about the sneaky ways expectations can screw with your health, success, and happiness - and how to avoid that.
Love you. Mean it.
-w-
Find me on Facebook and Instagram @the_nativist
Living with ADHD
You might know someone with ADHD. You might have ADHD. You might not even know you have ADHD. In this episode, I dig into my personal experience with getting diagnosed with ADHD later in life (age 25) by two different doctors before realizing WHOA - I’m a textbook example of ADHD. If you’re like me, you maybe have/had a very limited understanding of ADHD and its various symptoms. This episode will help you identify those symptoms, understand them, and leverage them - whether personally or relationally (even if you don’t have it, you likely know someone who does, and understanding it helps ease frustration and maximize success on both ends). I only speak from experience. I am not a medical professional, so by consuming this content you agree to not take this as medical advice. Please consult your doctor.
Find me on Facebook and Instagram: @the_nativist
Rethinking New Year, New You
New year, new you.
Do you need a new you? What about the you that you are now? Do you respect this you? Understand this you?
Whether you’re making resolutions at the start of a year, or setting goals in the midst of one, there are some vital questions to ask yourself to make the process more effective, more enjoyable, and more meaningful. Like…do you need a new you or a new process? A new perspective? Maybe all of the above?
In this episode I offer thoughts, questions, and insights for you to consider as you reflect on your self/your life.
Thank you for listening.
Find me on Facebook and Instagram: @the_nativist
Loyalty
Image: Brooke Richardson Photography
What does loyalty entail? What should it entail? Loyalty to a partner, to a friend, to a brand, to a vendor, to a family member, to a country, to a cause, to an ideology…
As with most topics, it’s nuanced. It can be contextual. It’s tempting to simplify and reduce it, but that often ignores reality and limits us: our understanding, our growth, our relationships, our empathy, our compassion, our progress, our wisdom, our lives.
What does loyalty mean to you? To those in your life? Do your definitions align? What’s a deal breaker for you?
Should it be conditional? Should it be blind? Should it be all encompassing?
Thank you for listening.
Find me on Facebook and Instagram: @the_nativist
When Preparation Meets Opportunity
Jessica E. Jones backstage at the Grammys
This episode has major star power. We’re graced with the presence of Jessica E. Jones, aka IVYWILD: Grammy winner, multi-faceted singer, childhood friend, and light bringer. Possibly most important? She performed for RBG herself. What a claim to fame.
Not only does she have the speaking voice of a Disney princess, but she’s an exceptionally articulate, driven, talented, lovely person. In this episode, we highlight how talent may get you in the race, but hard work, tenacity, and interpersonal skills can carry you across the finish line.
Jessica shares how she proceeded past resistance that may have deterred others, but set her up for success beyond her wildest dreams. We discuss resilience, grit, humility, reinvention, vulnerability, and CONNECTION - to self, to passion, and to others.
Highly inspirational, highly empowering.
It’s a showstopper. Just like her.
And speaking of reinvention, she’s branching out beyond classical music. Listen to her latest music she just dropped (and will continue dropping) on all of the major streaming platforms.
Find her on:
Website: www.jessicaejones.com (watch her performances, etc)
Instagram: @jessopranojones / @therealivywild
Facebook: @Ivywild Fanpage
Twitter: @therealivywild
She’s also on TikTok
IVYWILD - Image by Eric J. Keller / @soulcatcherstudio
Jessica E. Jones singing Musetta in a production of La bohéme
IVYWILD - Image by Eric J. Keller / @soulcatcherstudio
Learn and Live. Live and Learn.
In honor of Native American Heritage Month, Effie Hernandez comes on the pod to inform and inspire. Effie is a member of the Shoshone Tribe and works as a multi-cultural coordinator for a community college in Idaho Falls. Though Effie provides great resources and insight for planning your future (especially for Indigenous youth), this isn’t just for teenagers contemplating college. In true Nativist fashion, we go deep. We talk about living your own life and how fulfilling your unique potential can be different, daunting, challenging, and empowering, and how it allows you to elevate and enrich others’ lives as well (the more skills and knowledge you have, the more value you can contribute!). We emphasize the importance of defining: your life, your terms, your success. We explore how diversity and inclusion can have different meanings for different people, and we invite awareness and reflection on this. We highlight the power of continuing education - formal and informal - and how humility and curiosity are crucial components. Know your options. Define your terms. Leverage your potential.
Contact Effie:
Effie Hernandez Multicultural Coordinator, 208-535-5338, effie.hernandez@cei.edu
Scholarships for Indigenous youth (as referenced in the episode, via Dr. Amanda Cheromiah’s TikTok video on how she graduated debt free):
*Look into the specific scholarships of your own tribe(s)/institution
Find Dr. Amanda Cheromiah on TikTok/Instagram @drcheromiah
What Does Authenticity Look Like?
“Authenticity does not mean baring all.”
My friend and I were talking the other day about authenticity. It’s one of my favorite topics to ponder, explore, and discuss, increasingly so in this era of social media, filters, and curated images and lifestyles.
To take it a step further, it’s also been even more on my mind during my acne-healing journey. I feel a lot of shame for not having perfectly clear, even-toned, smooth skin. Intellectually, do I know I’m more than what I look like? Absolutely. Intellectually, do I know my true worth is not based on appearance? Yes. BUT. My worth in society, by its standards, very much depends on the image I convey - regardless of how I actually am and look. Society doesn’t care about inner beauty, kindness, grace, intention, depth, excuses, health, REALITY. Its standards are ruthless, rigid, exacting, fluctuating, fickle, impatient, demanding, superficial, and - most importantly - ELUSIVE. Full, true achievement is impossible - always dancing out of reach. Society and its advertisements will convince you with just the right fitness regimen, just the right face cream, just the right fashion aesthetic, you can “make it.” It’s brilliant marketing - but it’s bullshit. What’s in today will be out tomorrow. Whoever is lucky enough to have their natural look align with the current trend (body/face/hair shape, etc) is instantly deemed superior: in looks, in character, in ability, in LIFE. And for those who miss the mark, whether due to mere timing (better luck next on the next “fad”) or total divergence, hope is copiously commodified. What you can’t (or won’t) change/fix, is your fault, your flaw, your demerit. And that’s part of the allure. That’s how they hook you: holding up an example of how you should be/look, with the implicit (or even explicit) acknowledgment you don’t, with the assurance that all you need is this (insert product) to achieve your goal (aka worthiness). And for extra kicks, there’s not just one world judging panel. What’s ideal in one context/culture/era/etc is hideous in another. Contradictions galore - even within the same context; for women especially. Example: If you hide your body, you’re an unattractive prude; if you show your body, you’re a deviant slut. Double standards are part of the game. Mixed signals much? It’s. EXHAUSTING.
But that conditioning runs DEEP. Bone deep, it often feels. If you’re surrounded by something, for every day of your life, it’s bound to permeate. You’re bound to be affected. Your subconscious picks up what society is putting down, and your psyche doesn’t easily release that. We’re wired for social acceptance - it was (and even actually still virtually is) vital to our survival. If you were kicked out of the clan back in the day, your chances of feeding and protecting yourself plummeted. And even today - loneliness is a major mortality risk factor. We’re social creatures - we pretty much all crave belonging.
So yeah, having a pizza face in a world like this doesn’t always feel awesome. And I really hate the thought of needing/wanting face makeup to hide my “imperfections.” In a lot of ways, I have no shame in what I look like. I still wear clothes after they get holes in them. I still face the public after I’ve had a chemical peel or laser treatment. Stuff like that doesn’t bother me at all. Honestly, I think because it doesn’t feel attached to me, to my self worth. If I’m wearing ripped clothes, I can remove them - they’re not part of me. If I have a comically red face, obviously it’s because I just experienced something (even the onlooker doesn’t know what the hell that something is!). It’s not ME. But acne - that feels like it’s ME. Like I just am not good enough, the way I am, and then I need to cover up my so-called “flaws” to be acceptable, worthy, wanted. Yes, I know my friends and family will accept me no matter what I look like. And I don’t expect someone to cruelly comment on my complexion. But they don’t need to - I know what they’re saying. And I’m equating that to my failure to meet the standard: society’s standard I’ve accepted and internalized. Again, do I objectively know how messed up that is? Absolutely. But when that’s tethered to a message the world has relentlessly hammered into you, in multiple (sometimes unknown) ways, your whole life - it’s going to take root. It’s going to take time to de-internalize, to flush out. Is complete system override even possible? Who knows. It feels doubtful, especially right now. But the more we’re aware, and the more we intentionally, personally, and collectively call BS and defy it, step by step, we’ll make a dent, and then a bigger dent, and then a bigger dent.
So speaking of unrealistic societal beauty standards, and speaking of authenticity - I was really bumming. Lately, I’ve really pulled back from showing my face on social media. I try to avoid filters, and I though I hate covering my face in makeup, I don’t feel comfortable bare facing it. I just don’t. My “highest self” would love to say “screw it” and post a picture of myself makeup free - not only to rebel against toxic beauty culture, but also to live and show my truth, to offer hope and light to others, and to be fully authentic. But I’ve realized (much to my sister’s credit) that my mental health matters - and I must honor where I am RIGHT NOW. I don’t have to ignore where I was and where I want to be, but I do have to acknowledge and respect where I am. Right now. And right now, my mental health would really take a hit. I have such an all-or-nothing personality, and I’m learning the value of moderation, of step by step.
Truly though, I felt like such a fraud. Here I am promoting self love, self acceptance, unconditional worthiness independent of our exterior, and yet…I didn’t even feel comfortable posting a picture of myself sans foundation. Because I care about what I look like. And that’s okay. Like I said earlier, we have been and still are inundated with this “conditional worthiness” model every day of our lives. It won’t disappear overnight. It’ll take time, patience, intention, awareness, solidarity, grace, persistence, and compassion. We can simultaneously aspire to something - and promote that something - while living an authentic but complex, flawed existence. This doesn’t have to mean we’re inauthentic or disingenuous. Honesty is key, and so I’m offering my honesty to you.
Which brings us to another subtopic of this: privacy in the context of authenticity. I think for many of us, media - particularly social media - has warped our sense of what we should and shouldn’t share with the world, what we’re obligated to share with the world, and what we’re entitled to know about others (especially celebrities, but also the rest of us mere mortals).
“We’ve come to equate authenticity with transparency and full disclosure.”
I think for multiple reasons we’re susceptible to feeling - and being - pressured to reveal more and more of our inner world: for likes, for attention, for validation, for sales. Vulnerability has become commercialized, leveraged, strategized. In a way, I think this has desensitized us and removed us: from our selves, and from others. “Raw moments” have become content we now scroll past. We want more. Our thirst for it grows, prompting us to not only top our last “share,” but others’ shares. To stand out, to stop the scroll. To prove ourselves. If we don’t bare all, we’re often equated with being fake, posed, superficial. We’ve come to equate authenticity with transparency. We’re nurturing voyeurism and judgment. It’s bad enough with celebrities. I mean, come ON - just because someone is in a movie does not mean they’re obligated to share the details of their divorce, or eating disorder, or addiction struggle. Who are we to think we’re entitled to know that? Do you want YOUR most tender, private moments and issues put on blast? For the world to openly and ruthlessly (and ignorantly) dissect? Where’s the humanity? Your privacy is sacred. More and more I’m really drawn to privacy; to being more selective about what I share, and how I share it. Trustworthiness matters.
Just in case I gave you the wrong impression with my content on here…I’m not always gracious. I’m not always cool, calm, and collected. I’m not always grounded and present. I’m not always sweet and nice (those aren’t always positives anyway). I’m not always motivated. I’m not always sure of myself. I definitely don’t always have it together. I can be fiery and reactive. I can be spacey. I can be frustrated.
Sometimes I feel like a fake when I come on here extolling the virtues of love, empathy, acceptance, calmness, patience, and understanding - then don’t always live those IRL. Do I try? Do I believe in and mean what I say? Absolutely. Every single word. Do I have pure intentions? All the way. But knowing and applying are two different things, right? We know this. Think of all the things you know you should/shouldn’t do for your health/relationships/success - yet don’t/do. For multiple possible reasons (it’s not always just about willpower). Even docs and other experts are humans and experience this. The knowledge alone isn’t enough - it’s what we [consistently] do with that knowledge. In the past, if an expert ever (intentionally or otherwise) revealed fallibility in their own application of the knowledge, I’ll admit, I’d start to doubt/discount their expertise and message. Now, I realize that’s not fair and that doesn’t serve them or me. Just because you don’t always live the answer doesn’t mean you don’t have it. (Gabby Bernstein quote). We’re all human and we all have our own challenges and hang-ups.
Check-ins with yourself can be helpful. This can look like asking yourself the following: Does your life reflect the person you believe yourself to be and say you are? Without you declaring you’re open minded, inclusive, non-discriminatory, generous, principled, ethical, good, etc, how would people know? Could they just tell by observing you? Do your words align with your actions and lifestyle? Does your life speak for itself? Sure, we won’t be our “highest self” every second of every day. Expecting ourselves and others to be is unfair and unreasonable - and a losing game. We’ll have our moments. But overall - what message does the way you live your life convey?
Back to my conversation with my friend, in which we touched on basically all I’ve said up to now. We also talked about how authenticity manifests differently with different people. I mean, it makes sense, right? Your authenticity is rooted in your individuality. It seems obvious, but I think it can be easy to forget. For example, my friend and I were laughing about when during pre-school orientation the teacher expressed interest in hiring my sis for photography and my sis replied, “Let a ho know!” My friend and I were both there, both reacting with jaw drops. We both love my sister for letting her personality shine through. She is who she is and that doesn’t fluctuate depending on her audience/environment. That’s her authenticity. But my friend and I being more selective of when and where to say certain things can be just as authentic. It’s not that we’re masking our selves, our truths, our thoughts, or our personalities - it’s just that we’re adjusting to our environment/audience, and communicating accordingly. Sure, there is potential here for disingenuousness, but it’s not a given.
Furthermore, my friend and I prefer to get ready when we go out into public. Like my friend says, she shows up in the school drop-off line dressed and ready for the day, while other moms show up in sweats and last night’s makeup. This doesn’t mean one mom is more authentic than another or “real” than the other. The “real” in “keeping it real” manifests differently, depending on the individual.
And while we’re at it, I’ve really been thinking lately on how interesting it is where we all arbitrarily draw the line: with politics, with values, with aesthetics, etc. If you’re all about accepting yourself the way you are, does that mean you’re against teeth whitening? Shaving/waxing/lasering (especially legs/underarms on females)? Braces (for aesthetic reasons)? Makeup? Cutting/coloring your hair? Plastic surgery isn’t the only way to alter your body. If you get your lashes done yet denounce cosmetic filler, that’s drawing the line for yourself. And we all have our lines drawn differently. Who’s to say who’s right?
Like I said, authenticity has long been a value and focus of mine. We must first know who we are - and that can seem daunting and confusing. To live your truth, we must know your truth - but what even IS your truth? Sometimes it seems cloudy.
From my personal experience, our truth is always there - and ours to know - it’s not necessarily instantly known to us. And from even before we’re born (with generational trauma, experiences in utero, etc) those layers start multiplying, piling one on top of another, burying our truth further and further down.
To access your truth requires time, intention, experience, love, grace, awareness, STILLNESS. It can be a lifelong process and journey of uncovering your layers and accessing your authenticity. Your true self. Your truth, in its purest form.
I’ve found different phases in my life uncover new, different, deeper layers New experiences, new ages, new lessons unlock new levels; new nuggets of wisdom and truths about myself. It seems like no matter how well I think I know myself (and I’m a reflecter and deep thinker - I thought I knew myself pretty damn well) - there are still always new discoveries and strata to discover. Layers that only time, knowledge, experience, wisdom, and maturity can illuminate.
“There’s no normal. There’s you.”
So like I said, it can all take time, but our truth is always there - and ours to know - even if it’s not necessarily instantly known to us. To access it requires time, intention, experience, love, grace, awareness, STILLNESS.
This doesn’t mean knowing and channeling your authenticity requires a journey of a zillion steps, and in the meantime we’re just buzzing around like a bunch of posers with no idea who we are (though that right there is a pretty loaded surface statement that we could spend some time unpacking. Let’s just say I think we’re all on an authenticity, self-awareness spectrum - and tend to bounce around the spectrum depending on time/environment/subject/etc). There is a superspeed highway, shortcut version to expedite the process and access the authenticity reservoir that is the YOU inside you: get quiet (in any sense of the word - stillness can help, but isn’t required). Calm your mind and body as much as possible, and allow your inner knowing to come through. Pay attention to what resonates, and how it resonates, within you.
Those are your guides: who and what resonate with you.
Thank you for being here and caring. I love you.
A Match for Your Mountain
Suddenly being told to rush your “healthy” baby to the ER because those seemingly minor symptoms actually reveal a serious, lifelong condition would unnerve virtually any parent, especially if you’re a first timer.
Roman Ternus is one special girl in her own special way (you’ll see what I mean in the intro). She sparkles, she dazzles, she charms, and she inspires. She is full of life and light, undeterred by life’s curvies thrown her way. Diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes (T1D) at only one year old, Romey learned early on how to roll with the punches. Romey and her equally lovable and inspirational mother, Jeminee, share their climb.
By listening to this episode, you’ll get even more than just a cute, motivating story from a cute, motivating girl. There are many important messages in here: accepting and re-framing life’s challenges; recognizing and leveraging your inner strength; embracing and cultivating your partnerships; accessing and channeling bravery; and respecting and heeding your intuition. You’ll also hear important signs to look for to detect T1D.
Jeminee tells us her initial thoughts and reactions, and how she sustains her strength and gratitude through the demands of caring for a child with T1D.
This episode is a story of resilience, of hope, of hope, and of gratitude, and it serves as a powerful reminder YOU are a match for YOUR mountain.
Below is the full video to the audio snippet you’ll hear in the episode’s intro (so you can really see little Romey shine!). Find this and more on Jeminee’s Instagram page: @jemified_
Thank you for listening. Thank you for caring.
-w-
Toxic Venting vs. Healthy Venting
Are you a toxic venter or a healthy venter?
You may know how important feeling and processing your emotions are. Repressing them just allows them to metastasize and eventually explode in a bigger and uglier way. Venting can help you gain perspective and clarity, and assist you in moving forward and healing. Venting can be necessary. Leaving emotions/frustrations/anger bottled up can be toxic - but so can venting if we do it a certain way.
In this episode, I highlight specific signs of both toxic venting and healthy venting, and suggest different ways to release that pressure valve to leave you feeling lighter, happier, clearer, and freer.
The Revisionist History episode I reference at the end is titled Episode #25: Free Brian Williams, from June 7, 2018 (full transcript here ).
I love you.
Thank you for listening! You can find me on Facebook or on Instagram @the_nativist
Dare to Follow
Leadership is a sweetheart topic. We’re inundated with advice and resources and guidance on being an effective leader. We’re taught to seek to lead, not follow. We’re taught to value leading over following; to respect leaders more than followers. And while there’s merit and value in striving to aim high and lead (in whatever form that takes: in your own life, in a team, etc) there can be just as much merit and value in following (particularly in the discernment of knowing WHEN to follow versus WHEN to lead - that’s important).
We can’t all be leaders all of the time. What chaos that would be! And what a disservice to us, to our happiness, our development, our breadth and depth of life experience, our psyche, our friggin’ SANITY.
How can we be well-rounded, balanced, (physically and emotionally) healthy human beings if we only serve (or try to serve) in the same capacity? What a mess that’d be. And stunting for our growth (mental, physical, emotional, spiritual).
In this episode, I highlight the value of following, and its overlap with leading (leading can be following and following can be leading!). I emphasize the importance of deciding your own definition of success, and understanding others have theirs. I explain how we can lead by following - and the key that differentiates a strong follower from a mere sheep (this same key also makes you good leader). This episode may be short, but it’s still deep.
Thank you for listening!
Find me on Facebook or Instagram: @the_nativist
Lead Laugh Love
Leadership. It’s often glorified and discussed, often regarding a formal role, position, or status. How reductive and limiting.
No matter what organization you’re part of, or group you belong to, or title you have/lack - YOU are and can be a leader - at the very least, the leader of your own dang life.
In this episode, I highlight various ways we can lead from where we stand, no matter who we are or what we do (some will likely surprise you). I outline subtle and overt ways we can directly/indirectly influence those around us and the world at large.
I suggest ways to empower yourself and take control of your life, to live it on your own terms.
We’re all leaders. This isn’t saying we all deserve trophies and can phone it in. No, it really is about the different ways we can each lead - from where we individually stand. It’s about trying, doing your best, reclaiming your power, taking responsibility and owning your life.
Lead on.
-w-
Find me on Facebook and Instagram (@the_nativist)
Go.Connect.Win.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: connection is key. It’s why I constantly pose the questions I do: on here, on social media, in person. Even my Would You Rather Wednesday questions (I post weekly on my Instagram and Facebook stories) have purpose. Sure, part of it is just to have fun, but the larger part is to connect you to yourself. To deepen your awareness of yourself. To assess and realize your views, to facilitate your familiarity with your fears, your values, your hopes, your possible blind spots, your biases, your…everything that makes you you.
We’ve heard it before: changing the world starts within, with us individually.
In this episode, I talk about how connecting first to ourselves, and then to others:
heightens our happiness and sense of meaning and fulfillment
strengthens our relationships
nurtures our understanding of self and others
lengthens our lives (it’s science, baby)
clears the layers blocking connection to others
lessens divides
facilitates solutions
informs choices
improves, you know…EVERYTHING
I offer questions to ask yourself to gauge how connected you are to yourself. I give guidance on how to [further] connect to yourself, so you can show up authentically, as well as suggestions on how to connect to others. I get personal about times I’ve felt disconnected and how that’s impacted my life and relationship.
So instead of go fight win, the new slogan is GO CONNECT WIN.
Find me on Instagram @the_nativist
Love you. Mean it.
-w-
The D Word
In this solo episode, I talk divorce in its broadest sense. Not just the dissolution of a marriage, but the “conscious uncoupling” (great term, Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin!) from anything that no longer serves you: one-sided friendships, toxic habits, regressive thought patterns, unhealthy practices, stagnant jobs, outgrown partnerships, etc.
I suggest helpful questions to ask yourself to effectively approach and navigate the situation, and to help determine if a divorce is needed (again, divorce in the broadest sense).
I offer angles to consider and solid steps you can take (including a specific activity you can do) to [re]claim your power, promote your healing, and serve the highest good.
Mucho love to you all.
-w-