We’re constantly encouraged to have a growth mindset; to be disciplined; to always strive to improve and to evolve, in virtually every area of life. But can that ever be taken too far? How do you know when it’s become problematic? What can you do to prevent that? Is there ever a time when a growth mindset is not appropriate or beneficial? What is true growth?

In this solo episode, I highlight red flags to be aware of and questions to consider when setting goals and seeking your highest self. I offer a re-definition of your actual highest self, and explore the importance of self-trust. I differentiate between discipline and dogmatism, and propose how to own your routine (rather than it owning you). I explain why rigid rules are common for those with conditions such as ADHD and eating disorders, and what that rigidity indicates. I reveal the reasoning of why I chose The Nativist brand name, and how I feel about it now.

It’s all so simple, yet so complex. C’est la vie.

Connect with me on Facebook and Instagram @the_nativist

Today’s episode is moving, it’s enlightening, it’s illuminating, it’s inspiring… It’s as remarkable as the woman who shares it: Mindy Cervantes.

Mindy candidly and compassionately shares her story of being married to someone addicted to alcohol. She takes us through how it began, how it progressed, and how it resolved. She outlines what steps she took on her end to empower and heal herself, so she could deal with the issue, and notes how those steps actually revolutionized not only her relationship with her husband, but also her relationship with herself and others. She highlights the importance of doing our own work, whether we’re the addict or we’re supporting one.

She answers the million dollar question of what was finally the catalyst for change. She spotlights the less-often discussed phase of navigating post-sobriety and its accompanying questions and considerations.

As in past episodes, we emphasize addiction touches us all, whether directly or indirectly.

The website Mindy mentions is www.loveoveraddiction.com and you can click here for the podcast.

Find and follow Mindy on Facebook @MindyCervantes and Instagram @mindy.d.cervantes

I thank you and I love you.

-w-

Another hard-hitting and stellar conversation in my ongoing series on addiction.

Today’s guest is Hallie Hanohano-Erickson, who shares her perspective of a loved one watching her brother and “brother-in-law” experience drug addiction.

Hallie candidly speaks on her emotional evolution, and what she did to help her process and understand the experience. Hallie highlights signs to look for, and realizations to keep in mind. Hallie remarks on how she would have responded differently, knowing what she knows now, and what she’s learned during the journey, such as how to be an ally, not an enabler.

The podcast Hallie references is Last Day by Stephanie Wittels Wachs. The podcast I reference is Armchair Expert, particularly Episode 87 with Johann Hari from March 14, 2019 (exactly two years ago!).

Please excuse the inexplicable “swamp monster” sound you occasionally hear in the background. We tried identifying the cause, but no such luck. If you power through, it’s totally worth it.

Love you.

Thank you for listening and caring.

The series on addiction continues. In this episode, my long-time amiga Nicholia speaks on addiction in general and alcoholism in particular. Not only has Nicholia specifically taught on the subject to her high school students, but she also personally experienced it in her home growing up (and into adulthood).

Nicholia shares her experience of having an alcoholic parent, and how that affected her own parenting. She describes how her mother’s approach to it was especially impactful to Nicholia, as a person and as a mother herself.

She tells us about the scary close call that finally led to her father’s sobriety, after doubting it would ever happen.

We discuss generational trauma and how our current habits (and addictions) impact not only us, but our posterity. We emphasize the importance of digging into the discomfort and facing your demons, to heal and prevent generational and current trauma.

Nicholia gifts us with wisdom and a gorgeous message of hope.

In the second installment of my addiction series, our guest shares his experience being addicted to porn. In the first installment, we heard the perspective of a spouse; this time, we hear directly from the addict. Eric Gallup explains what led him to pornography and his unhealthy relationship with it. He discusses what drove him to pornography, and whether or not it reflected his contentment with his partner and marriage. Eric reflects on how he climbed from rock bottom to the happy, healthy, uplifting, grateful person he is today as a life coach. Not only does this episode highlight addiction truths, but life lessons as well.

You can follow Eric Gallup on Facebook. On there, he also has his Curative Coaching page if you’d like to hire him as your life coach.

This series has been a desire of mine for awhile now.

Though widespread, addiction is still stigmatized, hushed, shamed, and (I feel) generally misunderstood.

But it affects all of us (whether you realize it or not) directly and indirectly. So let’s talk about it.

Dr. Gabor Maté, MD, is known for his unique perspective on addiction, child development and trauma, and how this stress manifests in the body, and he has written several related books. While on The Goop Podcast (episode from 3/26/2019 titled How Does Childhood Stress Manifest in Adulthood?), Dr. Maté provided a nutshell definition:

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”Addiction is manifested in any behavior in which a person finds temporary relief and pleasure and therefore craves, but suffers negative consequences as a result of, and cannot give up despite negative consequences.”

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It could be addiction to pornography, sex, food, relationships, video gaming…or even to work and profit.

Dr. Maté notes when he gives this talk to any group of 800-1000 people and asks how many present by that definition have an addiction, virtually everyone will raise their hand.

Wow. Think about that.

Most of us are addicted to something (whether we realize/acknowledge it or not).  

Dr. Maté continues on to remark on how we judge those with addictions of which we don’t approve. We’ve arbitrarily decided which addictions are respectable and which are not. For example: We judge heroin addicts more than cigarette smokers, which is interesting because from a health standpoint, cigarettes are worse for you than heroin (unless you overdose on heroin). 

There are multiple manifestations, experiences, and contributing factors regarding addiction. This series is to normalize this conversation. To offer various perspectives and angles, from addicts and from those who love them. These views/experiences may differ from your own. Good. I hope so.

This is part of The Nativist’s broader purpose of sharing stories and views, to connect to ourselves and others; to nurture empathy and inspire us to look outside our personal experience and perspective, so we may learn, grow, understand, and live more fully.

In this episode, Reagan Garrett candidly shares her story of having a spouse addicted to porn. As a new mom and wife at the tender age of 17, Reagan tells us how she discovered the addiction, and what she did with that information. She speaks on her initial and subsequent reactions, her thoughts, her coping methods, her recommendations, and her current views on the matter.

She inspires me.

(Please excuse the poor audio quality on this episode. It’s worth it.)

If you’d like to connect with Reagan to share/relate to your own experience, you may find her on Instagram @reagang_

THANK YOU for caring. This matters.

This episode is for ALL OF US: male, female, young, old - and everyone in between. Trauma does not discriminate. It affects far more than you might know, whether directly or indirectly, and often carries significant shame and stigma. We aim to help dissolve that.

The brave and beautiful Elise Blaser shares her personal story experiencing and healing from sexual assault, and alchemizing it into empathy and insight as a crisis counselor and parent. She is a remarkable human being

Elise and I discuss trauma’s immediate and long-term effects, and how to address them. We cover coping methods - healthy and unhealthy - and trauma’s various manifestations. We note various reasons why victims can doubt - and even unconsciously suppress - their victimhood, and how to recognize it in yourself. We tackle the damaging myths surrounding trauma.

We highlight risk factors and how to mitigate them (key for everyone to know, especially parents and caregivers), and offer resources for preventing and healing from trauma. Knowledge is power.

This is important.

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To access the Crisis Text Line Elise mentions in the episode, text HOME to 741741. The Crisis Text Line provides free, 24/7 support via text message, and are there for everything: anxiety, depression, suicide, school.

You can find Elise on Instagram: @eliselilaa where she continually shares insight and resources on various mental health issues: trauma, body image, etc.

This is a particularly powerful episode, and one I’ve wanted to do for awhile. I sit down with Sydnie Hammon, who bravely shares her story on living with anxiety and depression, as well as the aftermath of her recent suicide attempt. In honor of Suicide Awareness Month, we tackle the stigma-saturated subject of mental health - a topic that is increasingly relevant and important.

This is an episode for everyone, as mental health affects every single one of us. Comprehensive health includes mental health. Even if you personally have not experienced mental illness as of now, you likely know someone who has/does/will. And this episode isn’t just about mental illness, it’s about mental health in general, and how to nurture it.

We discuss contributing factors, possible red flags, and helpful resources. We offer guidance on holding space for others and yourself, what/what not to say to those facing tough times, and how to love yourself and others through it all.

Please - I strongly urge you to listen. And Sydnie and I are always always here for you if you need.

Find Sydnie on Instagram at @sydniiieee

Resources:

• Suicide Prevention Hotline 24/7

  • Chat or call 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255)

• National Institute of Mental Health

  • Crisis Text Line (text HELLO to 741741)

• The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle

• The Seat of the Soul by Gary Zukav

Love you all,

-w-