Do you equate success with total self sufficiency? Do you derive self worth from never seeking help and always offering it?
The truth is, we ALL need help/support at some point. That’s reality. Let’s accept it.
“Sometimes asking for help is the bravest move you can make. You don’t have to go it alone.”
As Brené Brown advises, until we can receive with an open heart, we are never really giving with an open heart because our hearts aren’t fully open! When we attach judgment to receiving help, we knowingly or unknowingly attach judgment to giving help.
And accepting support strengthens both you AND the supporter.
Think on that for a minute.
Accepting help from others honors them and enables them to fulfill their purpose and use their talents. And it connects us all. Until we can receive with an open heart, we are never really giving with an open heart because our hearts aren’t fully open!
“Having someone help you simply means accepting the fact you’re not in this alone.”
It’s important to be honest with ourselves here. Let’s go deep. Do you judge others for seeking help? If you can honestly say you don’t - then wonderful. That should be relieving to you, that asking for help doesn’t necessarily trigger another’s judgment (and even if it does - that’s due to the other person’s issues/insecurities, and just because there’s judgement doesn’t mean it’s valid).
And if you do judge others for seeking help - it’s likely because you judge yourself for wanting/needing help. Does that sound fair to you? To others?
Let’s put it this way: It’s inevitable we’ll need help throughout our lives. It just is. And fighting this makes for a miserable, stunted, and complicated experience. Trying to go it alone unnecessarily challenges and limits us. Why would we do that to ourselves? Because of some misguided and superficial standard of invincibility and strength? It’s a charade. Sure, some can juggle more activities than others, but there are far more contributing factors to that “apparent ease” than meet the eye.
Consider the following:
We all have different talents, so what’s easy for you may challenge me, and vice versa, so we can’t accurately directly compare loads.
We have different complicating factors.
For example, you have a 3 month old and you and your partner are barely managing to keep both your kid and yourselves alive, while your neighbor is a single parent of 4 who seems to effortlessly juggle a job, friends, and extracurriculars, all while looking impeccable. Maybe your baby is colicky and demands to be held every second, while your neighbor is getting a full night’s sleep. That makes a big difference, yeah?
HOWEVER - PLEASE try to avoid falling into the storytelling trap! It’s a slippery slope. Try to keep it real with yourself, and not be seduced by stories your ego may generate to lift you up at others’ expense. “Oh, he’s probably able to accomplish all of that because he has XYZ advantage. It’d be easy for me, too, if I had that.” Recognizing varying complicating factors is meant to facilitate grace and remind you that you never know all of the details. It’s not meant to diminish others’ strength/accomplishments. Let’s be kind to ourselves and others! We never know the full situation.
We often only see the highlight reels.
Society perpetuates the myth that needing/seeking help is a weakness. People live under that assumption, and therefore put their best face forward, often omitting the messy details.
So let’s cut the crap and be real with ourselves and each other!
Wanna know a secret? A life hack? Something I’ve known but still have to force myself to employ (thanks to my ego/insistence on doing it all): most high-achieving, “successful” people know the value of outsourcing. Align your duties with your talents and strengths, and outsource the rest. A task that would cost you hours and headaches would be a breeze for another. Not only that - they’d likely actually enjoy it. So not only do you save yourself the misery, you save your finite time/energy for tasks at which you excel. It’s about working smarter, not harder! Quality over quantity!
Sure, there may be some things you’ll have to suck up and do - but if and when possible, prioritize and use your resources (time/energy/focus/talent) wisely. Ditch the faulty notion you’re only legitimate/worthy if you do it all. That’s a losing game. While you’re knocking yourself out trying to do it all - you’re getting lapped by others who have figured it out. And to top if off, they’re not only accomplishing more…they’re enjoying it more, too! They’re strategically targeting those tasks best aligned with their interests/strengths, thus yielding superior output..while having [more] fun.
Convinced yet?
I hope so.
xx,
-w-
