The Nativist

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This is the first installment of the Discrimination Series. If you’d rather listen, this content is also available on The Nativist Podcast: Episode 36: Discrimination Series Part 1: Waking Up.

I was talking to a friend and had an epiphany: I’ll call it the school of life analogy. Whether we accept each other or not, we are all members of one giant group: humans. Together, WE are SOCIETY. I believe with that comes inherent responsibilities: to act in the common good, to look out for one another, and to pull our weight by contributing to our collective welfare. Sure, we often have wildly differing ideas of how to execute those duties, or whether those duties even exist. And if you’ve ever done a group project, you know: just because there are assignments doesn’t mean everyone will pitch in. Work distribution is usually uneven, with some carrying the group, some doing the bare minimum, and some just checking out entirely - with variations in between. And as is typical with school, we all have other classes/lessons/assignments, for our own personal development. We have our own goals/sub goals. We belong to subgroups, participate in extracurriculars. We have different home lives - often including complicating factors: poverty/abuse/unstable relationships/health issues/aptitudes/etc. These all impact our school performance. The good news is: I believe our head teacher (I know this is a point of debate) knows and considers all of these factors when assigning the grade (or maybe we don’t even get graded - another convo for another day). But let’s ask ourselves: If the particular group assignment was, say, racism, where would you fall on the group contribution spectrum?

I for one know I could step it up. Yes, I’m acutely aware - and have been for most of my life - of pervasive and persistent racism and discrimination. Yes, I continually research and educate myself on the topic. Seek perspectives. Self reflect and ask myself hard questions. Consider the micro and macro pictures/factors. Express outrage and disgust when talking to others. But if I’m honest with myself…that’s the bare minimum. I can - and will - do more. It’s not enough to be privately anti-racist. Clearly, that hasn’t moved the needle enough. We must be publicly and actively anti-racist. If you’re unsure of how I go about that, you’re in the right place. Come with me as we dive into this, by asking questions, considering views, sharing resources, and assessing possibilities. Follow along on this account/my blog/podcast. Human power. ✊✊🏻✊🏼✊🏽✊🏾✊🏿

I know it can feel heavy/overwhelming to wade into the ugly of the world. There’s a lot of shit that happens in the world. Injustices/tragedy/etc. It’s not an upper. Trust me - I get it. I often see the worst of the worst through my job, and often try to offset it by limiting (NOT eliminating!) my exposure and by watching/reading lighter fare (feel-good movies, rom coms, comedies - you get it).

Think of the lingering effects of oppression. This applies to so many. Let’s focus on Native Americans and blacks. We created the problems and set the trajectory, then told them to take personal responsibility and get over it. We stole their land, stole their bodies and dignity, ripped them from their home and displaced them, etc. We subjected them to horror after horror (separated families, intentionally infected them with smallpox via blankets - yeah, awful stuff).

It’s the ugly truth.

We traumatized them in unspeakable ways, and trauma like that doesn’t just disappear on command, with the snap of your fingers. It lingers. It perpetuates. It ripples out to future generations. It generates substance abuse, violence, debilitating mental health issues. It affects socioeconomic status. It ignites vicious cycles. Think of your own emotional baggage from childhood - we pretty much all have had it, even if our parents were loving and wonderful. Now add another 100lbs to that baggage. See? Past actions set these people on a certain trajectory. Yes, they can overcome it. Yes, we should own our lives and not play the victim. But COME ON - let’s be aware and empathetic and realistic. This analogy might help put it in perspective.

Human Race Analogy

Let’s say there’s a race - a human race if you will (man, my puns and analogies just won’t stop). At the start of the race, far before the finish line, someone dug a mile-deep hole, dumped you and a few others in without a ladder or obvious/easy means of escape, then told you to stop feeling sorry for yourself and perpetuating your condition, and get the heck out. Your numbers end up multiplying, and you do your damndest to escape the hole via various strategies: pooling resources, muscling your way out, innovating new methods, etc. Meanwhile, the oppressors from above constantly douse you with water, or throw things at you. Some of you do make it out, by sheer luck/will/resilience/cleverness/etc. Some die trying. Some make it to the top - only to be shoved back again. A few actually make it over the “finish line.”

In any outcome - is it a fair race? Is it fair to be judged on par with those who didn’t have a giant abyss to escape, even if they had their own obstacles? Is it fair to be told you just didn’t try hard enough? You’re just not competent enough, or smart enough? To quit whining - we all have our difficulties? We all have to work to cross the finish line? Just like with race and white privilege (and sex/male privilege!), just because you don’t have that advantage doesn’t mean your accomplishments are diminished or your life isn’t easy. Maybe you have a sprained ankle, no legs, no sight, etc. It just means that a certain element of your life (eg race/sex) wasn’t making it hard.

We can still celebrate each other’s wins...but why not lend a helping hand? There are no race rules saying we can’t build a giant ladder and stick it into the abyss, to help others up, or block others from impeding others. We can share our water/food/tips/other resources with our fellow racers.

Some racers have the advantage of premium personal coaching. Some have the best gear, and obsessively train/study to optimize performance and finish first. Some prefer to go it alone, while others take a more social approach and join running groups. Some loathe running and would rather lift weights, or play. Some alternate walking and running, some only walk. Some crawl. Some backtrack. Some are more interested in pre-gaming/tailgating. Some are consumed busy helping/carrying others. Some stop short of the finish line, doubting their worthiness/readiness to finish. Possibly fearing/dreading the accompanying pressure/recognition/responsibility. Some feel more comfortable working and disciplining themselves, and circle back to run it again.

There are many different causes/individuals needing our help. We can’t do it all. We can’t physically/emotionally carry/support them all, simultaneously/continually. We also have to care for ourselves. But we can pull our weight. Do our part. Work together. Leverage skills/resources.

Can we really feel good about a race that is so glaringly uneven and unfair? Where’s our collective sense of duty and compassion? And if the race is timed (ie lifetime) and we don’t cross the finish line (what even is the finish line?), does that mean our lives/accomplishments were any less valuable/respectable? What if they were more so? What if individual “finishes” and “wins” didn’t count? What if the true objective/way to win was to cross collectively? To level the playing field and help others so we could all finish?

Again, what is winning? What is success? Man, this just got really deep. But it’s a crucial question to ask ourselves. What does success mean to me? What am I willing to do/sacrifice? What motivates me? Am I so focused on my lane/pace that I don’t notice another’s struggle? Am I willing to show my “progress” to help them? Am I comparing myself to others? Am I competing with myself?

Have you ever been mistreated and held a grudge? Even if you forgave the person, immediately or eventually, you likely didn’t forget, right? Imagine if that person had done something egregious, on a large scale: against your family. They stole your family’s home and belongings, leaving you homeless and destitute. When you sought recourse, the police said that’s the way it is.

Unfortunately, people commonly don’t care unless it directly affects them. So, ask yourself what you would do if your loved one were a casualty (literally or figuratively) of the system? Of systemic discrimination? Honesty is crucial here.

As we have these hard but essential and long-overdue conversations, let’s check our egos. Realize it’s a raw, inflammatory topic, with deep wounds. We’ll likely say the wrong thing. Misunderstand and be misunderstood. Be regarded as our race’s representatives, and get taken to task and held accountable for that race’s past and present injustices. We’ll likely be led to confront our own biases and missteps, and contribution (even if unintentional) to those injustices.

But it’s not about us. So let’s remember the big picture and transcend our ego. These are necessary steps on the path to healing and change - and pale in comparison to the “discomfort” and pain and sorrow - much of which has been building for many, many years and generations. When pressure is finally released, it’s rarely “clean” and “precise” and fit to preference/comfort. After all the ugliness and tragedy and disrespect so many have endured and are enduring, the very least we could do is feel temporary discomfort, and suspend our personal feelings while we learn about what’s been done and what needs to be done. So let’s lean into humility and love, and prioritize the highest good.

Wherever you are on the “woke” spectrum (I included this emotional guidance scale as a guide), what matters most is you keep learning, keep growing, keep engaging, keep moving forward, keep caring. Some days you’ll be all lit up and ready to go, and some days you’ll feel nearly extinguished. But please - do what you must to keep that flame alive. The world needs you. Not to save it by yourself, but to join forces as we save it together.

We must keep raising awareness, in ourselves and others.

I used to say - and mean! - it’s really hard to offend me.

Well, that luxury is long gone. I’m offended. Too much has gone on and is going on. For far too long (like...hundreds of years too long).

As you may know, I’m committed to being apolitical. But some issues extend beyond politics + partisanship + are simply about humanity.

I hope we can all agree on the fact that discrimination exists (remember this later). If you disagree, let me catch you up to speed: it does, in various forms: against race/sex/religion/sexual orientation/etc. It’s not necessarily about one’s personal beliefs - it’s about whether those beliefs harm/impact another.

Addressing these issues can be tricky. I recognize it can feel like people misperceive/dramatize/inflate certain examples or situations. Seeing problems where there aren’t any. You may feel like people make a mountain out of a molehill, or turn a non-issue into an issue.

The truth is...if we feel like that, that’s exactly when we need to check ourselves, because that almost always indicates privilege. I know privilege can be an inflammatory, triggering word.

Please hear me out. Remember how it’s generally accepted discrimination exists, in various forms? That’s the bottom line, our tether, our unifying thread. Home base. It’s where we return if we feel frustrated with others who disagree on how/where/when/why discrimination manifests. Because there are a LOT of different views there. If you’re discussing this with others, you’ll pretty much inevitably be called/regarded as too sensitive/contentious/ignorant/etc. Touchy subject, amIRite?

But please - if you’re not offended/disturbed by all that’s going on - that’s a neon sign. Please - ask yourself why.

PLEASE know I still value + prioritize holding space for everyone to express themselves + their views. That’s how true connection + understanding + transformation happens - on ALL sides.

Hearing others. Learning from others. Keeping your eyes + mind + heart open.

But also letting the highest good for ALL be your North Star and guiding light. Staying grounded in that objective.

Thank you for reading. Thank you for caring.

Whitney RichardsonMay 31, 2020discrimination, racism, love, one love, humanity, human race, humankind, race, sexism, open mindedness, empathy, history, understanding, race relations, personal development, wokeComment

L A B E L S

“When you call yourself an Indian or a Muslim or a Christian or a European, or anything else, you are being violent. Do you see why it is violent? Because you are separating yourself from the rest of mankind. When you separate yourself by belief or nationality, by tradition, it breeds violence. So a man who is seeking to understand violence does not belong to any country, to any religion, to any political party or partial system; he is concerned with the total understanding of mankind.”

— Jiddu Krishnamurti

Would you agree with me that we typically feel compelled to label: people, items, emotions, experiences, ideas…pretty much everything!

Sure, there’s value in labeling. That’s how we’re able to know what the hell we’re referencing. Otherwise, our convos would take twice as long trying to describe what we’re referring to, and it’d all be one continuous scene of The Little Mermaid (“Whozits and whatzits galore. You want thingamabobs? I’ve got 20!”). Obnoxious and frustrating to the max.

Labels are part of our culture - in every sense of the word (personal, professional, legislative, judicial, pop culture, music, etc). They contribute to the infrastructure upon which society is built, upon which laws are passed, upon which food is sorted and Netflix is categorized. When I’m browsing for new jams, I don’t want to have to scroll through a shi* ton of random opera ballads to get to my preferred music.

Labels make our lives easier and more efficient. They allow our brains and bodies to navigate through life more effectively amid the onslaught of information we’re blasted with every second of every day. They help us make sense of the world, with all of its complexities.

They also can bestow us with a common purpose. It can offer a sense of belonging/pride/commonality/community, particularly in the case of nationality/cultural identity/etc. It can provide a cause/entity to cheer for, a common point to rally around. They give us traditions, and opportunities to connect with other similar people.

However…

These benefits (efficiency, simplicity, community, pride, etc), can come at a price.

It can become problematic/limiting/divisive/misleading/self-defeating when we apply this labeling compulsion with no consciousness, awareness, flexibility, or fluidity. When we tattoo those labels, so to speak, making them costly, painful, and time-intensive to remove (I really took that tattoo metaphor and ran with it, didn’t I?). Labels can also mask our universal commonalities and pit us against the “outsiders.”

Society values clarity and decisiveness. We’re prompted to label people as good or bad, right or wrong, successful or non; same goes for ideas, etc.

This dichotomous and limited way of thinking doesn’t account for complexities: within individuals, within groups, within the world in general. People do good things. People do bad things. Life isn’t always black and white.

And I want to live in a world where people’s gender/race/skin color are irrelevant. Just because I may be regarded as a privileged white woman doesn’t mean I’m not allowed an opinion or a say or a hope for a more inclusive world.

Furthermore, it limits our growth and happiness, and clouds our view, when we apply labels to ourselves! Particularly regarding our identities. We’re conditioned to establish our identities on factors such as our skin color, our profession, our IQ level, our prevailing temperament, our body type, our gender, our music taste, our religion, our political affiliation. Lawd help us if we step outside our established identity: a straight male shaking it at Zumba, a Republican voting for a Democrat, a bodybuilder loving the ballet, a grandma digging Metallica.

It’s easy to feel locked into a label and feel pressured to maintain that image. For example, men in certain cultures (looking at you, ‘Murica) are typically discouraged from expressing emotion - especially in the military. To cry is considered weak and “sissy la la.” What kind of bullshit is that?! Think about it: They are discouraged from expressing HUMAN EMOTION.

I’ve previously discussed the dangers of emotion repression, and the takeaway is: it ain’t good. Those emotions don’t just disappear into the ether - they fester and make their way out eventually and demand to be addressed.

Former Army Special Forces Green Beret Greg Stube acknowledges this in his stellar book, Conquer Anything: A Green Beret’s Guide to Building Your A-Team. He was fully indoctrinated in the masculine military, “rub some dirt on it” (he actually uses those words) mentality…until he almost died in Operation Medusa in Afghanistan in 2006. He was finally forced to grapple with what it means to be human, to be complete, and to be truly strong: mentally, physically, and emotionally. Having repressed that facet of being human for so long, he was knocked for a total loop when he was blown to smithereens by an IED (improvised explosive device) and forced to accept a very different reality, one in which he couldn’t just rub some dirt on it and soldier on. Through soul searching, reflection, and personal “come to Jesus” talks, he came out on top - and acknowledged the importance of transcending certain labels to embrace and cultivate what it means to be human, and what it means to be truly strong.

So what happens when something happens and the label no longer fits?

We get fired. We go bankrupt. We get voted out. We get sick. We flunk a test. We gain/lose weight. We experience an existential criss that triggers re-evaluation of our priorities/affiliations/beliefs.

Like Greg Stube experienced, it can be devastating, if your identity is tethered to that label. Suddenly you start wondering who you really are, if not your label(s). If I’m not a high-powered lawyer/straight-A brainiac/size 0/Christian/president/husband/etc, who am I? What’s my place in the world? What do I have to offer? Am I still worth loving? So many of us feel conditionally loved, whether we realize it or not. We’re led to think (sometimes intentionally, sometimes unintentionally) that we are accepted/loved because of those labels: doctor/Mormon/star athlete/parent/do-it-yourselfer/subject matte expert.

This also applies to emotions. Let’s say you’re known as the carefree, happy, optimistic one. The one who sprinkles sunshine wherever you go and elevates the mood in any situation. You’ve learned to effectively play this role. But what happens when you have a bad day? Or even a bad year? Are you supposed to deny yourself feeling those “negative” emotions?

“When you welcome your emotions as teachers, every emotion brings good news, even the ones that are painful.”

— Gary Zukav

What you resist, persists.

“Feelings like disappointment, embarrassment, irritation, resentment, anger, jealousy, and fear, instead of being bad news, are actually very clear moments that teach us where it is that we’re holding back. They teach us to perk up and lean in when we feel we’d rather collapse and back away. They’re like messengers that show us, with terrifying clarity, exactly where we’re stuck. This very moment is the perfect teacher, and lucky for us, it’s with us wherever we are. ”

— Pema Chodron

Which leads us to emotion labeling. Emotions aren’t positive or negative; emotions are emotions. Emotions are natural and wide-ranging, and most importantly: emotions are messengers. They come and they go, so we should let them move through us, view them with curiosity and no attachment, and discern their message. By denying/ignoring/repressing them, you are stunting your growth, preventing your freedom, and blocking true happiness.

“Feel the feeling but don’t become the emotion. Witness it. Allow it. Release it.”

— Crystal Andrus

Ultimately, as the opening quote indicates, labels separate: us from each other, us from ourselves (our true essences). While they do serve a purpose, it is crucial for us to be aware of them and fluid in our allegiance to them. As long as we interpret them loosely and keep an open mind, we’ll all be better off.

xx,

-w-

“Once you label me, you negate me.”

— Soren Kierkegaard

L O V E yaself

Images shot by Abbey Armstrong PhotographyEdited by Brooke Richardson Photography — Images shot by Abbey Armstrong Photography
Edited by Brooke Richardson Photography

“The only cure I have ever known for fear and doubt and loneliness is an immense love of self.”

— Alison Malee

I think I’m awesome.

Please don’t be put off by that. I want Y O U to feel the same about yourself.

And you can!

Do I think I’m awesome 100% of the time? Don’t get it twisted: I have my moments of discouragement/frustration/etc, but overall - I always LOVE myself, which is especially important during those moments of discouragement and frustration. I think I’m a rad chick.

“You owe yourself the love you so freely give to other people.”

I had to work hard to get to that point. That unconditional self love.

BUT YOU CAN TOO!

You too can create an abiding self love, independent of your moods/feelings/triggers/experiences/environments.

It requires practice and awareness. It requires facing your shadows. Feeling - not repressing - your emotions. Reserving judgment and extending grace. Being honest and not feeding yourself stories just to make yourself feel better (this only feeds the ego and creates a faux, insecure self love). It also requires a touch of tough love, and calling yourself out when necessary, to live into your potential/cease the false narrative/incorporate the discipline.

“Comparison is an act of violence against the self.”

It’s not easy at first, but once you get a taste of true self love - YOU SEE IT’S WORTH IT. You realize how powerful, necessary, liberating, and impactful it is.

Self love is imperative. Not like, “Gee, it’d be ideal if you loved yourself, but it’s whatevs.”

Nah. IT’S NOT WHATEVS.

It’s absolutely c r u c i a l not only to your ultimate wellbeing and happiness, but also to the wellbeing and happiness of your inner circle, of your outer circle, and of the whole entire world.

I know, I know, you’re likely thinking, “Okay, dramatic much?”

But it’s true. If you want to change the world, start with yourself. The ripple effect starts with you. Happy people radiate and perpetuate bliss and good vibes. It’s all about energy, man. It’s the currency of the universe. Your energy introduces you before you even speak. Once you get right with yourself and start riding those high vibes, you’ll be amazed how it affects the space/people around you (I discuss this in my latest episode with Izzy Ramirez). That’s not just Hippie Whitney talking. That’s science. Physics. Your thoughts/actions carry energy, and people/life around you responds according to the frequency you emit.

“Be the type of energy that no matter where you go, you always add value to the spaces and lives around you.”

Don’t believe me? Think about a time you were feeling great/okay, and encountered someone in a less-than-stellar mood. Even if you manage to stay on that high vibe, you’re still affected to an extent by the negativity. And don’t even get me started with consistently toxic people.

Self love makes you happy. Happiness gives you energy, drive, stamina, compassion. (Plus, as Elle Woods rightfully noted, it fights crime and preserves marriages because “happy people just don’t shoot their husbands. They just don’t.”)

“Shoutout to all the people out there trying to love themselves in a world that’s constantly telling them not to.”

And ESPECIALLY if you have kids in your life, modeling self love yourself is key in developing their own. Particularly regarding body image. Society already demands they contort themselves to meet impossible and elusive ideals. Set your kids up for success and mitigate societal damage by expressing self love, especially during those impressionable younger years.

Daring to love yourself is an act of rebellion in this world. LET’S REBEL TOGETHER.

How sad is it that society has taught us to view people’s expression of self love as arrogance. Self absorption. Narcissism. When we see someone celebrate their win, or acknowledge their skill, or comment, “Hey, I look smokin’!” we tend to dismiss them is “sooo into themselves.”

SAD.

That should be our baseline. We should allow ourselves and others the space to embrace our awesomeness. Our beauty and smarts. Our talent and skill. Sure, we don’t want to get obnoxious about it and go on and on about how ahhhmaaaze we are.

There’s a distinction between self love and insecurity. When you’re solid in yourself and truly love yourself, you’re secure - and have the mental and emotional bandwidth to love and care about others. When you’re insecure, you tend to overcompensate. You feel compelled to seek validation externally. When you love yourself, you internally validate yourself.

So DECIDE RIGHT NOW to win yourself over. Commit to falling in love with yourself and watch your life absolutely TRANSFORM.

xx,

-w-

let's GET fired UP

“The man on top of the mountain didn’t fall there.”

— Vince Lombardi

Are you 100% motivated 100% of the time, and/or are surrounded by people who are also motivated every second of every day, to do every single thing needing to be done?

No?

AWESOME. First of all, welcome to the club of ALL HUMANS (even Beyonce!). Second of all, this post will hopefully help, instead of being a giant waste of your obnoxiously perpetually-motivated time. Love you mean it.

I consider myself a consistently motivated individual, and I know many of you are too (I’ve seen you in action!). However, there are times where I realllly gotta pep talk myself, especially when it comes to something that’s not enjoyable/easy for me to do.

Awhile ago, I read a fantastic book called Smarter Faster Better by Charles Duhigg. Yes, I recommend it. Unless you wanna be dumber, slower, and worse. Then, you know - do ya thang. To each their own.

(PS the following words of wisdom can be applied to motivate yourself AND others. SCORE!) YOU get motivation and YOU get motivation and YOU get…you get it.

“We are motivated by the need for autonomy, mastery, and purpose.”

Per Duhigg, the first step in creating drive is offering people/yourself choices to provide a sense of autonomy and self determination. The key is to present them as decisions rather than commands.

“Ask yourself if what you’re doing today is getting you closer to where you want to be tomorrow.”

Furthermore, if you can link something hard to a choice you care about, it makes the task easier. For example, let’s say you reallllly don’t wanna workout, but you reallllly do wanna stay healthy for your family for years to come, so you can witness major moments and be fit enough to play with your kids/grandkids/nieces/nephews/etc. Keep reminding yourself of that whenever you feel that fire dying. And if it helps, gives yourself options: group workout vs. solo workout, cardio vs. strength, etc. Some people this helps, some people this inhibits, so know yourself and adjust accordingly. For many with minimal motivation, it’s more beneficial to show up to a workout class where an instructor tells you what to do and fellow exercisers push and keep you accountable.

PARENTAL HACK! If you can make a chore into a meaningful decision, self motivation will likely emerge. Let your kids have a say in what chores they have (you may need to assert some authority here, depending on the track that conversation takes!) and explain why they have the chores in the first place. For example, explain you’re teaching them life lessons to kick booty later in life. They’ll be so much further ahead than many whose parents coddled them and then released them into the “wild” without any self-sustaining skills. Let them know how much you value and rely on their contributions to keep the house running smoothly. Acknowledge the control and autonomy they have. Let them know how much they MATTER.

Once we start asking ourselves why, those small tasks become pieces of a larger constellation of meaningful projects, goals, and values. We start to recognize how small chores can have outsized emotional rewards because they prove to ourselves we are making meaningful choices, that we are genuinely in control of our own lives.

That’s when motivation flourishes.

Motivation is, in other words, a choice we make because it is part of something bigger and more emotionally rewarding than the immediate task requiring completion.

xx,

-w-

32 L E S S O N S

Images by Abbey Armstrong Photography Edited by Brooke Richardson Photography — Images by Abbey Armstrong Photography
Edited by Brooke Richardson Photography

“Age is irrelevant. Ask me how many sunsets I’ve seen, hearts I’ve loved, trips I’ve taken, or concerts I’ve been to. That’s how old I am.”

— Joelle

Coming up on 32 trips around the sun. Thirty-freaking-two. That shit’s bananas, yo.

Absolutely W I L D.

“I’m not old. I’ve just been young for a very long time.”

I am fully committed to improving with age. Learning and evolving and polishing and refining myself in every single way - and ACCEPTING myself in the process. Loving myself through the evolution. That last part is key, yeah??

It’s about not resenting your current status/situation. Not bullying yourself through it. Not wishing it were otherwise. Just simply telling yourself, “Okay cool, this is where we are. I recognize that. I accept that. And I know I have so much more to give. So LET’S DO DIS.” Basically…”I see where I am, but I know where I’m going.” High five?! HIGH FIVE.

In honor of my 32nd birthday (or princess day, as I like to call it, because everyone should feel like royalty on their birthday) I’m sharing 32 lessons I’ve learned thus far.

Too much discipline can be as harmful as not enough.
Gratitude is THE BEST way to get back to good when you’re stressed/sad/pissed/bitter/anxious/uncertain. It’s a magical salve!
Love is an infinite resource. There is always more where that came from, so keep tapping into that resource and sprinkling that shiz everywhere.
People care more about how you make them feel than how many degrees/talents/accolades/achievements/possessions you have.
You don’t have to explain yourself.
Let your intuition reign supreme. Save yourself time and regret and don’t ignore it/silence it/intellectualize it. Especially when it comes to the next point, which is:
When it comes to relationships, someone’s potential is irrelevant if they’re not pursuing it. And as previously stated, honor your intuition.
A messy start trumps no start.
Minimalism is undervalued, in pretty much all areas of your life. This plays into the next lesson:
Quality over quantity. With clothes. With friends. With business ventures. With home decor. With exercise hours.
Your body is significantly more intelligent than you can even imagine. Don’t try to outsmart it. Which corresponds with the next few lessons:
Your biography becomes your biology. Your body reflects your stresses/traumas/life choices.
Adopt a holistic approach when healing your body.
Get on the same team as your body. Don’t try to resist/fight/shame/bully it into submission. No matter how you abuse it, it still strives to keep you alive every second of every day, with every heartbeat. Now that’s love! Recognizing its loyalty to you is a game changer. Instead of wishing for a thigh gap, express thanks for those strong quads.
Live intuitively, particularly regarding your health. Your body instinctively knows what it needs. Once you learn to tune into it, you’re set. Try not to intellectualize your fitness and nutrition. Don’t follow a certain regimen just because it’s the latest fad, or because a social media guru recommended it, or because your bestie glowed up with it, or because you want to look a certain way. Every body is different (what works for me might not work for you), and your body’s requirements fluctuate daily. So try to clean your palate (minimize the processed foods in favor of foods in their natural form), pay attention to what your body tells you after a meal/workout, and adjust accordingly. Once you vibe with your body, you’ll be blown away by its intelligence. Whether you listen or not, it’s constantly communicating what it needs for you to look and feel your best. Let it be the boss.
How you feel matters far more than how you look.
Confidence is K E Y. If you OWN it, it doesn’t matter what you look like, or how much you know, or how talented you are. And since we’re all works in progress, let confidence bridge the gap from where you are and where you want to be (with your body, your business, etc). Fake it ‘til you make it, if necessary, which leads to:
Your thoughts are mind-blowingly powerful. Like the quote says, if you knew how truly powerful your thoughts are, you’d never think a negative thought. So get on those daily affirmations: “You is kind, you is smahhht, you is impohhhtant.”
Nature is the best therapy. Instant energy re-charger and soul restorer.
Energy rules the universe. It all comes down to energy. This isn’t hippie talk, y’all. Don’t believe me?! Even Albert Einstein says so: “Everything is energy and that's all there is to it. Match the frequency of the reality you want and you cannot help but get that reality. It can be no other way. This is not philosophy. This is physics.”
Your biggest act of kindness to the world is getting right with yourself. When you’re at peace and solid in who you are, it’s a ripple effect: you radiate love and acceptance. And this world desperately needs more love and acceptance.
It’s always worth an ask. Whether you’re asking for a date, a promotion, or an extra side of hot sauce - you’d be amazed what you can get if you just dare to ask.
Save yourself time and sanity and don’t try to do it all (STILL learning this). Your time and energy are worth money and are finite resources. Know when it’s worth it to DIY, and when it’s better to outsource. This plays into:
Stop the glorification of busy. Stop considering an impossibly-packed schedule a badge of honor. The truly successful people know how to best invest their time and energy to maximize their strengths and yield the greatest results. They also understand:
Re-charging and reflection are essential, for your productivity, sanity, health, and creativity. Inspiration usually strikes not when you’re actively/aggressively luring it, but when you’re taking a breather.
Normalcy is an illusion. Everyone is “weird” so own your weirdness. Your uniqueness is your superpower.
Feel your emotions, don’t repress them. What you resist, persists. If you ignore/deny/shove them down, they’ll just fester and pop up eventually - in magnified form. The trick is to feel them and let them move through your body without wallowing. Emotions are emotions - they’re not good, they’re not bad. They just…are.
You can appreciate others’ beauty without diminishing your own.
There are multiple types of intelligence; don’t judge your intelligence or others’ by one definition. Some people are masterful musicians (sound smart), or brilliant logisticians/mathematicians (number/reasoning smart), or natural athletes (bodily-kinesthetic smart), or gifted linguists (word smart), or…the list goes on. So the next time you feel tempted to judge someone for mistaking you/you’re, consider how you’d feel if someone assessed your intelligence solely on your calculus skillz. Appreciate and play to your strengths, and honor and acknowledge others’.
Everybody has a story to tell. Stay interested in others.
You never know what life has in store. Do your best to enjoy the ride. Celebrate the highs. Cherish the “minor” moments. Appreciate the tough times for the lessons they teach and the strength they impart. Stay jazzed on life and never ever become numb to its beauty.
Balance is the key to life.

Let’s never stop learning.

xx,

-w-

“There is a fountain of youth: it is your mind, your talents, the creativity you bring to your life and the lives of the people you love. When you learn to tap this source, you will truly have defeated age.”

— Sophia Loren