Images by Brooke Richardson Photography

“There will be times in your life when all your instincts will tell you to do something, something that defies logic, upsets your plans, and may seem crazy to others. When that happens, you do it. Listen to your instincts and ignore everything else. Ignore logic, ignore the odds, ignore the complications, and just go for it.”

— Judith McNaught

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Do you typically make your decisions quickly, on instinct, or slowly?

I’m a big believer in balance being the key to life, including when it comes to decision-making. No matter which camp you generally identify with, this post offers insight on being an effective decider. Sexy stuff, I know, but you gotta admit - extremely useful.

As is often the case (at least with me), one of my strengths is also a complicating factor. In this case it’s my open-mindedness and ability to generate/consider multiple options. Awesome when you’re writing a report or devising a strategy, not so awesome when you’re just needing to buy some friggin’ shampoo.

I’m an analyst by profession and nature, so it’s my inclination to gather as much info as possible. I know all too well the feeling of paralysis by analysis. (But not with certain decisions like, you know… TATTOOS. I’ll walk into a tattoo joint and switfly decide on the spot what I’ll get permanently marked on my skin, whereas I’ve spent hours/days determining the best facial cleanser. Gotta love me.)

When I say hours/days spent researching, I’m not kidding. Down the rabbit hole I’d go. I’d look at different brand, study different types, compare various prices, weigh relevant factors. I’d scour reviews - only to emerge with my head spinning and my decision more elusive than when I started.

For the sake of time and sanity (mine and those around me!), I committed to becoming more decisive. I learned decisiveness is like a muscle: the more you exercise it, the stronger it becomes. And what makes it even easier and more effective is relaxing and learning to identify, access, and trust my intuition. Blink by Malcolm Gladwell is an insightful book on this. Highly recommend.

I noticed - and later substantiated through reading works such as Blink - the more possibilities I had to consider, the more overwhelmed I became and the harder it was to decide. Sure, you want to have options, but at some point it becomes detrimental. As it often goes, moderation is key: not too few, not too many.

Blink shares the story of a life-altering lesson learned at Chicago’s Cook County Hospital, where emergency room physicians suffered analysis paralysis when trying to diagnose patients with heart attack symptoms. Gladwell notes they discovered an algorithm containing a simple set of criteria had a higher success rate than the traditional treatment protocol Gladwell describes as “long and elaborate and -– worst of all –- maddeningly inconclusive.”

Sound familiar? Beyond a certain point, additional information, no matter how accurate or seemingly relevant it might be, can actually impede decision-making. Do less, succeed more. Or something like that. :)

We have come to confuse information with understanding. We are inundated with information, which can actually cloud our instincts and judgment. It’s good to be informed, but detrimental to be too informed. Paralysis by analysis. The key to good decision making is not knowledge. It is understanding. We are swimming in the former. We are desperately lacking in the latter.

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This Freud quote echoes Gladwell’s advice:

“When making a decision of minor importance, I have always found it advantageous to consider all the pros and cons. In vital matters, however, such as the choice of a mate or a profession, the decision should come from the unconscious, from somewhere within ourselves. In the important decisions of personal life, we should be governed, I think, by the deep inner needs of our nature.”

— Sigmund Freud

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Powerful, right? Score another one for the importance of self reflection and awareness.

When faced with decisions in life, ask:  What’s your biggest goal/desire in life right now? Ask yourself which of the options (if any) align with that.

And it might take digging to distill it down into one main goal/desire.  It’s a matter of sitting with yourself, letting your distracting thoughts come and go, and leveling with yourself on a spiritual level - NOT an intellectual level - and facing your inner being and letting that guide you. I think one of the biggest points to remember is to identify your fears - and not let them drive your decision(s). So maybe that’d be a helpful place to start: identifying your fear(s) and seeing if/how they’re affecting your thoughts/decisions.

Here are some concrete tips for optimal decision-making:

• Know your unknowns + intelligence gaps

  • Know what you don’t know!

• Consider varying perspectives/interpretations/options

  • To a point - set limits to avoid getting sucked into the abyss

• Challenge assumptions

  • Your own and others’!

• Rate your confidence level with each option

  • This can help you think about what you might be missing and choose the option you feel best about

• Assess your immediate reaction to each option

  • Do you feel a sense of peace? Unease?

    • If you pick a difficult choice yet your heart feels at peace…that’s a good sign

• Load up on the relevant info and then move on!

  • Distract yourself with other things. Let your subconscious handle it. Science shows this leads to superior decisions. Per Unconscious Thought Theory, your conscious mind is needed for decisions with strict rules, eg math calculations; but for decisions with large amounts of info that can be vague/conflicting,  your unconscious mind is the MVP.

• Remove unnecessary pressure from yourself!

  • Make a decision and if it didn’t yield the desired results, go from there and make another decision

  • Consider the worst case scenario(s) and ask yourself: Why would that be so bad?

    • Things are often not as dire as they seem. Asking yourself this question (repeatedly, if necessary) will guide you to your driving fear - so you can recognize and override it.

    • Especially when contemplating a minor decision such as an entrée or a new pair of shoes. If you end up regretting your purchase, you may be out some money and life may temporarily be sub ideal, but life will definitely go on.

• Stay open and embrace uncertainty

  • Sometimes the easiest way to be wrong is to be certain you are right. Studies have found a strong correlation between astute decision-making and a willingness to recognize - even embrace - uncertainty. Low-ability individuals tend to overestimate their skills.

• Try getting creative and innovative

  • Consider unconventional methods/solutions

    • Just because something is done a certain way doesn’t mean it always needs to be done a certain way. Progress is made through trailblazing and daring to differ

• Practice on micro decisions. If you’re prone to soliciting advice on everything, practice deciding solo. If you tend to make rash judgments, try slowing down to weigh options and ask others’ perspectives.

Remember: You don’t need an answer to everything. That’s not how life works. We figure it all out by living and experiencing. By screwing up, by missing an opportunity, by seeking advice and not taking it, by taking advice wrong for us. We learn what’s important and what isn’t. Sometimes we have no clue what to do, and that’s okay. Always trust your gut and know everything will work out as it should. It always does. Relax. And love.

-w-

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“In the end...we only regret the chances we didn’t take, the relationships we were afraid to pursue, and the decisions we waited too long to make.”

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Images by Brooke Richardson Photography

“I am not a product of my environment. I am a product of my decisions.”

— Stephen Covey

Growing up, whenever I had a tough decision to make, I’d phone a friend: aka my sister, the bossiest person I knew. Sometimes the decision was as major as “Should I take this opportunity?” or as minor as “Should I buy these shoes?”

“Be decisive. Right or wrong, make a decision. The road is paved with flat squirrels who couldn’t make a decision.”

I always felt overwhelmed by possibilities and potential avenues to pursue. I guess it’s the analyst in me. ;)

Lately, I’ve really committed to being more decisive. I believe decisiveness is a muscle and can be developed. Right or wrong, I try to decide as quickly, firmly, and resolutely as possible. I commit to my decision and stand by it. Not to say that I’m always locked into that particular decision. You can often reassess later and adjust accordingly, if need be. But I try to avoid vacillating as much as possible. I make a decision, and I stand by it.

“The risk of a wrong decision is preferable to the terror of indecision.”

It’s a balance, that’s for sure. You want to gather sufficient relevant information, without drowning in it (which can be easy to do!). Sometimes, ya gotta just call it quits on the intel gathering and go with what you have. Halt the overthinking and just D E C I D E.

They say since our decisiveness is a finite resource, routine is key to reducing the amount of decisions we have to make daily. This is why ya boy Mark Zuckerberg, founder of Facebook, wears the same thing every day. I respect his level of devotion to decisiveness preservation…I’m a little too attached to personal expression through style so…I’mma stick with my varied wardrobe!

I’m currently reading a fantastic book called Essentialism by Greg McKeown (highly recommend!). In the book, McKeown references a decision-making principle presented by TED speaker Derek Sivers in his talk “No More Yes. It’s Either HELL YEAH! Or No.” It’s a simple technique for becoming more selective in making our choices.

The key is to put the decision to an extreme test: if we feel totally convinced to do something, we say yes. Anything less gets a hard pass. In other words, if the answer isn’t a definite yes, it should be a no.

Consider applying this to shopping for clothes. What if we just used the broad criterion, “There’s a chance I will wear this someday.” HELLO cluttered closet. If we ask, “Do I absolutely LOVE this?” then we can save ourselves money and closet space by reserving room for something we truly dig. We can subject all of our decisions to this test - big or small, significant or trivial - in every area of our lives.

Imagine it is a 90 Percent Rule, which is something you can apply to almost every decision or dilemma. As you assess an option, think about the single most important criterion for that decision. Then, simply rate the option between 0 and 100. If you score it any lower than 90 percent, boom - automatically change the rating to 0 and toss that bad boy.

This way, you avoid getting tangled up in indecision, or WORSE - getting stuck with suboptimal options. Like McKeown asserts, think about how you’d feel if you scored 65 on a test. Why would you deliberately choose to feel that way about an important decision in your life?

I get that sometimes you gotta pick the lesser of two evils, or the least bad of two bad options. Sometimes you don’t have the luxury of just abstaining. And sometimes it can be terrifying to think of passing up an option on the mere hope something ideal will come along later. Risky business, I know.

The bottom line to remember here is: when our selection criteria are too broad, we will likely commit to too many options. Furthermore, assigning simple numerical values to our options forces us to make decisions consciously, logically, and rationally, rather than impulsively or emotionally. It takes discipline, but usually has a high reward.

So fight that feeling of FOMO (fear of missing out) when deciding what opportunities to chase. Let’s say you receive an unexpected job offer, or an easy project outside the realm of your normal range, or a vacation opportunity in a less-than-ideal location. What should you do?

As McKeown advises, if we just say yes because it is an easy reward, we chance having to say no later to a more meaningful one.

McKeown suggests a simple, systematic process to help you decide:

1. Write down the opportunity

2. Write down a list of three “minimum criteria” the options must pass to be considered

3. Write down a list of three ideal or “extreme criteria” the options must pass to be considered

If the opportunity doesn’t pass the first set of criteria, it’s obvi a no go. If it also doesn’t pass two of your three extreme criteria, it’s a no.

Building off of the clothing analogy, let’s say you’re purging your closet. You ask yourself: “If I didn’t already own this, how much would I spend to buy it?” Likewise, in your life, the powerful question when asking yourself what activities to eliminate is: “If I didn’t have this opportunity, what would I be willing to do to acquire it?” This can be applied to your personal life, your professional life, your kids’ lives (when determining just how many extracurriculars you’re going to shuttle them to and from).

Upon sufficiently exploring your options, the question isn’t “What should I say yes to?” Instead, ask, “What will I say no to?” This question will uncover your true priorities.

And when you don’t know what you want, flip a coin! When that coin is in the air, you’ll suddenly know for what you’re truly wishing.

xx,

-w-