Images by Brooke Richardson Photography

“Nobody is superior, nobody is inferior, but nobody is equal either. People are simply unique, incomparable. You are you, I am I.”

This world has some incredible people in it. People with impressive achievements and accolades. People with seemingly endless talent, drive, energy, resources, skill, courage. 

When you encounter people like this, sometimes you can't help but reflect on your own achievements. You start comparing yourself, which we all know can be the kiss of death to contentment and gratitude. That comparison shiz ain't good. 

Here's an angle for your consideration. Something to ponder when you're feeling down, unaccomplished...you know, like a lahuuu-suh-herrrr (translation: loser). It's not about what you've achieved/accomplished/acquired. IT'S ABOUT THE EFFECT YOU HAVE ON OTHERS.

Think about the greatest, most valuable and meaningful people in your life. The MVPs in your life. I'm willing to bet the criteria you used to determine their value in your life had nada to do with their yearly income, or Instagram followers, or degrees, or bad ass trips to China (hopefully...). 

“No matter how educated, talented, rich, or cool you believe you are, how you treat people ultimately tells all. Integrity is everything.”

The most impactful people are the ones who lift you up/inspire you/support you. Or just friggin' MAKE YOU LAUGH. Let's say you're out with some friends and meet two people. One is a zillionaire, owns real estate all over the world, travels internationally on the monthly, has a Harvard degree, wrote five New York Times bestsellers, and runs a thriving non-profit to halt human trafficking. This person is nice enough, but more interested in telling you allll about how cool they are, with no interest in hearing about you. Cool story, bro. The other individual works in IT, has never traveled outside the US, yet is engaging, funny, kind, and genuinely interested in what you have to say. Which one are you going to want to keep talking to? The latter one, right?

Same with other people in your life. The people you want to hang around with and invite to a party are those who make you feel good, not inferior/bored/bummed/betrayed/etc. It matters far more how you treat people, than how accomplished/cool/successful you are. Besides - success is subjective! My definition of success may be different than yours. 

“Charisma is the transference of enthusiasm.”

— Ralph Archibold

And charisma isn't about always having the right thing to say at the right time, or being the life of the party. It's about being genuine and kind. It matters less what you say than how well you listen. I'm more appreciative of the people who are there when I need them, with a helping hand or listening ear, than I am of those who are always ready with a witty comment. 

“People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

— Toni Morrison

So stay on those good vibes and know you are a bad ass.

xx,

-w-

Even if you're genuinely the sweetest person alive, you've felt frustrated by another person, right? Or you've gone after something sought by others, like a job, or a house...or even a parking space!

Let's say you and someone at work are competing for an opportunity. There is only one spot available and you both have your sights set on it. 

On a basic level, what is your need here?

Spoiler alert: Your need is NOT for the opportunity itself. Depending on what the opportunity is, your need may be for financial security. It may be for growth and progress. It may be for acknowledgement of your hard work. That particular opportunity is a vehicle, or method, for fulfilling that need.

So ask yourself: Is there another way to get your need(s) meet without this specific opportunity? 

YES!

You could get a promotion or an award. You could even change jobs or branch out on your own. You could find another source of income.

The point here is:

“No two people’s needs are ever in conflict. Only the strategies for getting those needs met are in conflict.”

— Neil Strauss

Reflect on a recent conversation that could have gone better, or a conflict you experienced. Maybe you're battling with a significant other, or a friend, or a boss, or a customer service representative. Strip away the rest and drill down on what your common, basic needs are. Maybe it's the need to provide a cohesive, stable environment for your kids [spouse]. Maybe your needs are to feel supported and heard [friend]. Maybe you need to feel valued and trusted [boss]. Maybe the needs are efficiency and reparation [customer service rep]. 

Focus on those common needs and remember: at our core, we all have the same basic needs. What varies are our ideas for how to meet those needs. Some seek validation through fancy possessions and high socioeconomic status. Some look for love in toxic relationships. Some think hoarding what's "theirs" [time/money/ideas/energy] is the only way to ensure there's enough for them. Some of these methods work, and some not so much. Some are harmless, some are harmful - to self/others. Whatever your method is, try to choose one that serves the highest good. So let's do our best to remain open and empathetic to others as we navigate life and work on getting those needs meet. 

“Negative feelings come from unmet needs.”

Anger could stem from a need for respect that isn't honored. Confusion could signal a lack of communication and honesty that are needed. Impatience could be from a need to be understood. Or lezbereal - maybe you're just friggin' HANGRY and need some F O O D!

Strive for internal and external awareness, and look for ways to meet those mutual needs. If you're ever in doubt regarding just what those needs are, do your best to communicate with an active ear and an open mind. If possible, eliminate assumptions and seek confirmation from the other person/people. Put down the gloves and halt the hostility. Sometimes opposition/competition is unavoidable (e.g. vying for a job, or spot on a team, etc) but at the very least, identifying those needs helps you relate to and empathize with the other(s). 

One love,

-w-