Images by Brooke Richardson Photography

“Befriend the man who is brutally honest, for honesty is the highest form of respect.”

— Daniel Saint

One of the things I value most in my friends is their willingness to tell me like it is. They're never abrasive and intentionally brutal - but they love me enough to call me out when needed, and to sidestep the sugarcoating. That right there is true friendship. True honest love. 

Think about a time when you were hesitant to be completely honest with a friend for fear of hurting their feelings, making them feel worse, etc. As friends, we often feel compelled to show support. Solidarity. Multiple exclamations of "I gotchu, girl! You tell 'em!" High five them for letting their boss have it, praise them for sticking it to their spouse, applaud them for blowing off an obligation to go out with friends instead. Rationalize their decision for ditching their goal to do xyz. That's what friends are for, right?! W R O N G O.

Now it's time to be honest with yourself. Ready? Okay, here we go. Ask yourself: Why am I reluctant to be honest with my friend? Is it because I feel unsupportive if I don't confirm and validate their action/opinion? Is it possibly because...I am trying avoid the discomfort of telling them like it is? 

“The vulnerability that honesty requires isn’t something that everybody can handle. Lying allows people to be comfortable.”

Chances are...it's the latter. Of course, a small part of it is us truly not wanting to rub salt in the wound/make our friends feel bad/worse. But if we're being honest with ourselves - we just personally don't want to experience the uneasiness of acknowledging the truth. Right?! It's easier for everyone to just pretend like, "YES - lighting into that biotch for daring to look at your man was totally the right thing to do." "You go girl for quitting your third job this year - they clearly don't appreciate what a gem you are." "That guy is DEFINITELY into you. He's obvi scared by how much he likes you, so he's not texting." "Yes, you should absolutely buy those $200 jeans even though money's been tight - they look phenomenal on you!"

“Being honest doesn’t get you a lot of friends but it’ll always get you the right ones.”

— John Lennon

But if you're truly a good friend - you'll prioritize your friend's overall well-being over your present comfort. You'll sacrifice your comfort for their welfare. Ask yourself: What will serve them best long-term? Leveling with them and gently acknowledging their hurtful behavior (hurtful to you, to them, to others)? Kindly helping them face facts and address their issues? Guess what?! Doing so will help them significantly more in the long run, by helping them grow and evolve and escape their limiting thoughts/actions.

Once you've spoken your truth, offer support and love. Provide encouragement. It's not enough to just identify the issue - actually help them through it! If roles were reversed, wouldn't you rather have someone give it to you straight, instead of simply placating you? It might sting initially, but trust me - confronting the issue head on now stings a helluva lot less than if you were to avoid it and have it grow and sucker punch you later. 

“Be honest, brutally honest. That’s what’s going to maintain relationships. ”

— Lauryn Hill

Furthermore, when you're honest with someone, your praise and compliments will carry considerably more weight. They'll recognize your authenticity and know you mean what you say. 

“Honesty has a beautiful and refreshing simplicity about it. No ulterior motives. No hidden meanings. An absence of hypocrisy, duplicity, political games, and verbal superficiality. As honesty and real integrity characterize our lives, there will be no need to manipulate others.”

— Charles Swindoll

The truth is... I love you all.

xx,

-w-

Images by Brooke Richardson Photography

“Connect deeply with others. Our humanity is the one thing that we all have in common.”

— Melinda Gates

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Ya girl Melinda bringing the wisdom and the opener for today's post on connecting with others. 

Before we start, do me a favor, please, and reflect on people with whom you just VIBE. You seem to connect on the deepest of levels, and you just get each other. It's as if you're twin souls, as if you're cut from the same cloth.

Now please (so polite, I know) think of people with whom you definitely do NOT vibe. No matter how hard you try (or don't try - because sometimes it's exhausting), you just.cannot.get.on.the.same.page. You may not feel ill will toward them, but you'd be just peachy if you never cross paths again.

You likely know people whom fall on both ends of the above-outlined spectrum - as well as people sprinkled in between. C'est la vie (translation for the non Francophiles: such is life). The reality is, some of these people from whom you feel disconnected may be people you can't necessarily shun from your life completely. They could be coworkers/in-laws/spouse's friends/bosses/etc. They ain't going anywhere.

Do you ever wonder what you can do to bridge the gap between you and your non-soulmates? If so, B O O M. Today we're going to explore ways to enrich and solidify your connections with others - or at the very least, just hopefully make it less friggin' awkward and painful.

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“I define connection as the energy that exists between people when they feel
SEEN, HEARD, AND VALUED:
when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive
SUSTENANCE AND STRENGTH
from the relationship.”

— Brene Brown

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Think back to your fellow vibers. Think about how you feel during and following interactions with them. You likely feel acknowledged, right? You feel like they "see" you, they hear you, they value you. You don't feel judged or criticized. If they do dish out tough love (which in my opinion is when you KNOW you have a solid friend - more in a later post), you know it stems from a place of pure love. They care about you enough to call you out when necessary. You feel strengthened, boosted, and re-charged after speaking with them, not drained, depleted, and depressed. 

Let's dissect this for methods you can use to be this person for others:

• Make the other person feel heard

“Don’t listen to reply. Listen to understand.”

LISTEN. Truly listen. Identify the non-verbals, focusing on what they're not saying (their body language, their insinuations, their possible motivations, etc). Clear your hands and your attention and give it all to them, baby. Think about how delicious it feels when someone gifts you with their full attention. Something so simple can truly have a powerful effect. It has the power to soften defenses, lower walls, enhance communication, etc. I mean, at the very least, the sooner the other person feels heard, the sooner the encounter will likely end. But...you may surprise yourself. By truly taking the time to focus on the other person and absorb their message, the more invested and engaged in the relationship you'll feel. One of the most sincere forms of respect is actually listening to what another has to say.

• Be truly curious and show a genuine interest.

Ask questions. Show a genuine interest. Everyone knows something you don't. Doesn't it feel amazing when you can tell someone is taking a true interest in your life/message? Confidence booster for sure! 

Without fail, the most charismatic people I know are those showing a genuine interest in others. They ask deep(er) questions, listen, then ask follow-up questions. They pay genuine compliments, beyond the "You look cute" or "You're a babe." Don't get me wrong - any genuine compliment is a good compliment - but the truly effective connectors are those who take it one step further and one level deeper. You feel like they're actually addressing you, not just any other friend of theirs.

• Meet them halfway

“If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his language, that goes to his heart.”

— Nelson Mandela

Drop the pretenses. The condescension. The need to show how fabulously fabulous you are. Keep it R E A L, amigos. Chances are, if you listen, you can get a feel for where the other person is coming from and meet them there. Especially if you recognize they're making an effort, don't make them go it alone. Reach out a hand. 

Initially, you may have to go more than halfway, maybe even the whole way solo. Decide if you'd rather have smug justification or happy co-existence. Self righteousness is a lonely road.

And maybe you find that person I N S U F F E R A B L E. Irritating as hell. You find them ignorant, or abrasive, or self-absorbed, or whatever.  Read on, my friend.

• Do your best to remain non-judgmental and open minded.

This is particularly hard when you feel they're judging you, and especially hard when you KNOW they're judging you (as evidenced by their expressed verbal judgments - in other words, they just freaking told you so). Just know that judgment stems from fear/insecurity/anxiety. People who are secure and love themselves don't feel compelled to chase feelings of superiority (however fleeting) by judging. And if they sense you're judging them (whether you are or aren't), this will likely exacerbate the session. So let it be clearly known you love and accept them as they are. This will hopefully inspire and encourage them to extend the same respect to you.

In conjunction with being non-judgmental, try to remain open minded. The person may say/do things you consider abominable, or lame, or ignorant, or EW. Hear them out, reserve judgment, and unless they're plotting to do something atrocious like murder bunnies, live and let live! Accept and celebrate your differences. Give them - and yourself - space to be yourselves.

• Grant them grace.

Understand if they're being rude/self-centered/etc, it's because of insecurity/fear/anxiety. They - just like you - are doing the best they can. It's hard being human sometimes! *Genuinely* helping them feel heard and special and valued will go a long way toward bridging that gap, and will likely lessen their compulsion/need to prove themselves to you/others, and to seek external validation. 

Social anxiety is a very real thing, and for some it can be debilitating. That person you'd wish would stop monopolizing the conversation to brag about how incredible they are? They may suffer from crippling social anxiety, and simply don't know how to connect with another, so they fall back on what they know - themselves. They use it as a crutch, and would likely be horrified if they knew how they were being perceived. Trust me, it's not fun to be around, but hopefully by letting them feel heard and valued - and then gently steering the conversation to other topics - you can help them and set the precedent for better future interactions. 

Release your need for validation, and your urge to show off. Not that you can't share wins - after all, true conversation should be about reciprocity - but try focusing on the other person and less on yourself.

• Focus on your commonalities

Maybe you both love tacos. Maybe you both think Tom Hardy is the dreamiest man on the planet (because he is). Maybe you share political views or an aversion to screamo emo music. If it's your mother in law, you obviously both love her son/your husband. If it's your boss, you both want the company to succeed. Whatever is, try to find and cultivate that common ground. If you're totally drawing a blank, chances are you're both humans who just want to be happy - so focus on that until you discover something else.

• Allow vulnerability.

“We may impress people through our strengths, but we connect with people through our weaknesses.”

— Craig Groeschel

How relieving is it when you realize the person you thought was superhuman is actually, in fact, a mere mortal? Who struggles to find time/energy to clean/work out/fold laundry? Who feels just as insecure as you about their momming skillz or math know how? Nurture vulnerability, in you and them. Give them permission to let down their guard and be vulnerable by taking the lead and being vulnerable yourself. 

Often they put on a front because they feel intimidated by Y O U. By being the first to drop the cape and superhero mask, you can take the first step toward truly connecting. People typically open up if they know you care. Give them a safe space to do so.

“People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.”

— John C. Maxwell

• Remain true to you.

Obviously do right by them, but also by you. Sometimes this entails drawing a line in the sand and speaking your truth. Gently but firmly standing up for yourself. Repelling toxicity and promoting good vibes. 

• Practice self awareness.

“People can only meet you as deeply as the’ve met themselves.”

Just like you'd really like your bro's friend to get a friggin' clue how obnoxious it is to hear him tell inappropriate jokes loudly for all to hear - try to dig deep and reflect ways you could be contributing to the chasm. Is there any way your words/actions could be misperceived? This can be a slippery slope, so be careful not to go down the rabbit hole into full-fledged self consciousness. Just simply try to be aware. Maybe even ask a trusted loved one for insight.

• Level with them.

If you're still not where you want to be with the other person - try leveling with them and directly addressing the issue. Explain you feel distance, ask if the feeling is mutual, and express your desire to resolve this. Listen to what they have to say and do your best to remain open and willing to compromise. 

If you have your own tips, or examples of finally connecting with someone after deliberate effort, please share in the comments below!

One thing's for sure, I love you all.

xx,

-w-

Images by Brooke Richardson Photography

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“One can speak poetry just by arranging colors well.”

— Vincent Van Gogh

Color is so fun to play with when getting dressed. It can have a powerful effect on the vibe you're projecting. This rings true for guys and girls. Think about it - if some dude showed up in a fuchsia suit, what's your first impression? Obviously, the man doesn't take himself too seriously, right? He's likely playful, knows how to have some fun. Color is the easiest avenue for self expression.

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I love working with varying shades and hues to achieve a monochromatic look. As you see in the pictures here, I paired a maroon turtleneck with a popping red.

It doesn't all have to be in your clothes. Try pairing a punchy orange lip with a muted peach top, or an emerald clutch with a moss green outfit. 

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Spring is a perfect time to experiment and brighten it up with new, fresh color combos. 

What color combos are YOU going to try out this season??

xx,

-w-

Images by Brooke Richardson Photography

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“Try not to resist the changes that come your way. Instead, let life live through you. And do not worry that your life is turning upside down. How do you know that the side you are used to is better than the one to come?”

— Rumi

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C H A N G E. Depending on your mindset/circumstance, change can be welcomed or dreaded. Accepted or resisted. 

If you're stuck in a job you hate and are suddenly offered your dream job, change is pretty great. If that dream job is across the country in a completely unfamiliar city, away from family and friends...it might seem daunting and stressful. 

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“LIfe is about change. Sometimes it’s painful. Sometimes it’s beautiful. But most of the time, it’s both.”

— Lana Lang

Some people naturally thrive on change - even seek it. Some avoid and resent it. And some fall somewhere in between. Where are you?

However, no matter where you fall on the spectrum, change is inevitable. As they say, the only constant is change. So since we know it's a given, let's talk about tips for accepting it. 

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“The secret of change is to focus all of your energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new.”

— Socrates

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1. View it as a developmental opportunity.

As Socrates advises, the trick is to stay forward-focused. Try to minimize time spent reflecting on how great things were pre-change. Try to emphasize the positives the change will bring - or at the very least, the opportunity for you to incorporate positivity.

Decide to make it as beneficial and enjoyable as possible. It's happening - and it's ENTIRELY within your power to make it a good thing. Instead of focusing on loss, focus on gain, particularly regarding your power. Change can leave us feeling powerless, so spin it and focus on the power you DO have - and how you'll use it to your benefit. 

Change is a fantastic opportunity for us to step into our full potential and become a better person than we were before. If you reject change, you'll deny yourself - and the world - the chance to become all you can be, thereby denying the world your full talents and gifts. Please don't do that!

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“Sometimes our lives have to be completely shaken up, changed, and rearranged to relocate us to the place we’re meant to be.”

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2. Trust everything happens for a reason.

Know the universe is conspiring for you, not against you. Think back on every significant change you've experienced thus far. If you're anything like me, the changes that sucked the most to endure were the changes for which I was ultimately most grateful. They taught me the most/improved my life the most. 

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“Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it. Always work with it, not against it.”

— Eckhart Tolle

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3. Know you are not alone.

Everyone feels doubtful and uncertain sometimes. These feelings are 100% normal, and the sooner you recognize and accept this, the sooner you will reach peace. Acknowledge your emotions, feel them without repressing them, and let them float on their way. 

4. Allow others to support you.

Let others help you. Please don't enable pride to prevent you from doing so. If you lack supportive friends/family, seek out other resources to help with what you need, whether it's a moving company, support group, etc. Chances are, you're not the first one to go through this change, so there are likely established resources to ease your adjustment. We're all in this together!!

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“Sometimes the place you are used to is not the place you belong.”

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5. Take care of yourself.

Now more than ever is a crucial time for you to practice self-care. Eat nutritious food. Move and stretch your body. Ensure sufficient rest. Practice meditation, or at least incorporate down time into your days. Take care of you, so you can meet the change(s) with your best self. 

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“Change is hard at first, messy in the middle, and gorgeous at the end.”

— Robin Sharma

xx,

-w-

“It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change.”

— Charles Darwin

Images by Brooke Richardson Photography

Pencil skirts. So flattering. So versatile. So MEOW. Let's dig into these elements individually.

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| So flattering |

Pencil skirts are elongating and slimming. They hug and flirt with your curves and lines, making you look F I E R C E. The snugness draws the eye in, and the length draws the eye down.

| So versatile |
 

They're a great staple for your work wardrobe, but can be easily dressed down for a more casual vibe (like with a sweatshirt/tee/sweater to run errands) or even dressed up (think going out with your lover or friends). I mean, I've even paired one with a graphic tank and lacy bra to go out on the town. You have options for sure.

| So MEOW |

There's just something powerful about a pencil skirt. I immediately feel rawr and ready to take on the world when I put one on. Trust me - try it!

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xx,

-w-